A pause and some mischief

 In two days, I'm going on holiday for a month. I'm getting onto a plane and flying to Canada. I'm excited by this (obviously) and delighted by the prospect of meeting friends and resting for the first time in a long time. The pause in posting on this blog has mostly been because I didn't have anything new to report. 

I mean I watched the latest season of Vox Machina and **INSERT SPOILERS** Summary: It gud, go watch. ;)

I've been playing computer games but on a limited scale because my wrist hates me. How do you "rest" your dominant hand damnit?! And I blind type. What do you mean one-handed typing should be done? Harrumph!

I've been playing TTRPG games at the same pace as before and it's been going really well. Part of this holiday will be spend prepping more mayhem for my players. And part of this holiday will be spent meeting some my players face-to-face. That's both exciting and anxiety inducing, but then again... what isn't to me? 

I haven't watched much else in terms of movies or TV series. Honestly, 80% of my free time tends to get swallowed up by either computer games or TTRPGs. 

So what am I taking with me to Canada? I'm still trying to finish Justin Alexander's So You Want to be a Game Master after two years... So that's going with. I also want to play some Cartograph, so I am taking that notebook with. And then my homebrew notebook of thoughts. Oh and my dice, of course. Why would I leave that behind?

I do have some more mischief that I did in June that I would like to share. I got tattooed again in something of a marathon weekend. Two of the three tattoos are homebrew related.  

The shield lantern tattoo is the symbols of one of the deities in my homebrew campaign. She's described as a powerful entity that handles everything with a subtle, gentle grace. It's probably the ideal that I would like to aspire to most that's found in my game. 

The tree tattoo isn't original, but the concept behind it within the context of my homebrew game is something exceptional. Imagine people who've spent their entire lives underground dreaming for the chance of reaching the surface. They are the stable roots wishing to travel to the leaves. And the goal for them is to one day achieve that - be it in their generation or the next. Hope to grow, hope to transform, hope to be free. 

That's definitely something I can resonate with.

What else is news-worthy? Uhm... nope. I think that's all that comes to mind at present.

Solo TTRPG Babble about Fallout: Wasteland Wanderer

For all my reservations, when it comes to game purchasing, I can be incredibly impulsive. I was excited when I first saw the printed book of Fallout: Wasteland Wanderer being advertised on Modiphius' website and eagerly awaited its PDF arrival on DriveThruRPG.

So what is it?

Fallout: Wasteland Wanderer is a solo tabletop roleplaying game that allows you to create a vault dweller within the Fallout milieu. Your character wanders the Wasteland around their vault in hopes of completing a main mission while acquiring a whole lot of side-missions along the way - all while trying to deal with those who are surviving/thriving on the surface like super mutants, ghouls, and other quirky characters.

Character creation - as simple or as complicated as you'd like to make it.

Overall, I found creating a character in this game to be a lot simpler of an endeavour than doing so in Fallout: The role-playing game. The descriptions of what each of the S.P.E.C.I.A.L. stats do is simple and there are multiple ways of building your character to make the process as simple or complicated as you'd want it. I do have the benefit of being someone who played the Fallout computer game series since Fallout 3, so that no doubt makes things easier, but I daresay that the process would be tolerable for those who haven't had that privilege. 

The initial quest generation is also straight forward with a number of random tables that help you along the way. By the end, you'll know why you're leaving the vault, who you are, and you won't have spent more than 30 minutes on the whole process. This, I have to admit, is a big draw as some solo TTRPGs I've played takes hours of creation time before you get anywhere near playing.

Wandering the Wasteland

The process of playing the game has you following certain steps. If you end up in an area that you haven't explored yet, you first determine whether there is a settlement or whether it's just a wasteland location - with each option offering you other things to generate and do. My first location was a wasteland area, then I had to roll to determine what encounter I'd have as my character approached. These encounters could be hostile from the get go or you could respond in ways that would make it so. In my case, I intervened on two people arguing and got thrown with a spear for my trouble. How nice!

Once you've determined the location and the encounter, you have a set of actions you can take depending on how safe you are. In my case, I shot the spear-throwing dumbass, and now I am safe to do other things (yes, this is how far I've gotten in the game so far).

Each action has a space dedicated to it in the book that gives you information on how to determine your success or failure. The dice mechanic is also fairly simple. You roll 2d20 (two twenty-sided dice) and you want to roll lower than the target number - which is determined by your stats. The better you are, the higher the target number and the likelier you are at rolling below it. Simple enough if your dice don't hate you.

Hiccups

I think in terms of critique I could offer is that, while 99% of the information is in the book, it's not always clear or in a place you expect to find it. I've had to comb the pdf repeatedly during the combat sequence to try and figure out how it works, for example, and I feel that could have been made a bit clearer. It's not as frustrating as some other games to puzzle out, but I'm lazy in this sense. I don't want to have to search and guess and make conclusions I'm not sure of. I want certainty as quickly as I can have it and things feel a little fuzzy with this game. I kinda found myself hoping I'm doing it right as opposed to knowing.

That said, this isn't an insurmountable task, more a gripe that I had. And that said, it's a lot clearer than some other gaming systems out there that require hours of scouring pages just to find the simplest of answers - I'm looking at you Shadow Run.

Who would I recommend it to?

I think Fallout gamers who would like to try their hand at solo ttrpgs would be people I'd target. People who like solo games and want to try something a bit more challenging than conventional journaling games.

TTRPG Babble: Ten years since the commitment

 

I'm one of those strange people who don't like commitments or promises. Why? Because I make it a point of honour to keep them. And it's also why I hate when people idly make promises to me, but that's a rant for somewhere else.

It's now been ten years since the somewhat life-changing commitment I made to a friend. What was that commitment? Well, that I will run a D&D campaign. 

This email marked the lightning-bolt idea that I had for a homebrew game. Copious notes were made, thoughts were scribbled and an email play-by-post was attempted in that same year - though that failed. It would only be five years later that an actual online game would be launched.

In May 2021, I created a Discord server for online D&D. My thought at that point was that the homebrew game, my first 'original' game, was probably only going to last six sessions before it would flounder (yes, I was that optimistic about the game). So I called it "TNO and other short RPGs". 

The 6 planned sessions turned into 59 actual ones running from 2021 to 2025. In conjunction with my 'main' South African game, I would end up running a number of iterations that didn't last long - mostly dying due to player conflict and misplaced expectations. In 2024, I started a North American iteration of the game which aims to play once or twice a month depending on schedules. That's now at 35 sessions.

None of the above is bragging btw, I share it because of the overwhelming stunned shock I still experience when I try to wrap my brain around the thought that I had believed this game would last 6 sessions with one group - whereas now, if I counted all the sessions I've had with people in my homebrew world, that would exceed 100. That's.... staggering.

Presently, I'm running two games in the world - the North American one mentioned above and a South African reboot which is going to its fourth session this Friday. 

Where am I planning on taking it? Well the ultimate dream would be to write up the campaign in some kind of book form. There are a number of challenges with that. One, I'm Afrikaans. Two, I'm lazy. Three, I have ADHD and get distracted super easily. But then there's also the challenge of how to make it system neutral so as not to get sued left, right, and centre. I haven't figured that out yet, but I'm pondering the thought. 

Know your weaknesses - TTRPG babble

 I recently shared this with a friend and thought it is worth mentioning here as well.

As a GM, I have one big weakness that's very difficult to overcome: 

I am kind.

In the GM seat you sometimes have to take the role of adversary - the monsters are trying to capture/maim/kill the heroes and they're not going to pull their punches. Now, I am fortunate that my dice rolls are rarely deadly, but when they are, I sit with a real emotional conundrum of wanting my player characters to overcome whatever obstacle I've thrown at them. 

Last year, I did a Pugmire oneshot with friends - veteran and newbie players. The game was okay, there were a few mechanical snags that I hadn't foreseen and didn't know how to amend on the fly, but the biggest truthful critique I received from the encounter was "You're too kind."

I'm not competitive, and I think that also is the reason why my encounters are rarely deadly. It's difficult for me to think to 'win' even if for only the brief moment where I'm thinking like the villain.

Knowing your weaknesses is just as important as knowing your strengths. Because there's no way that you're going to balance and improve if you're not aware on what you should be working on.

So how does one stop being a kind GM? I have no friggen clue, but I am practicing by trying to distance myself emotionally from the fights my villains inevitably have against my players' characters. And it is something I feel like I should be working on. Not because I want to be a mean, old hag who makes players miserable, but because I had a few combat encounters where players were genuinely worried and triumphed and were beautifully rewarded for the tense encounter. That's something I'd like to see more of. But I don't believe in a GM bringing in Deus Ex Machina when things go poorly... it's either a win or a wash and that is always going to be a gamble.

 

Babble: GMing with Anxiety

 This post is probably not going to have a point and will be all over the place, but hopefully I will succeed in sticking, generally, to the title of it.

I struggle quite a bit with anxiety. Being among people sets it off, being alone sets it off, prepping for TTRPG games sets it off, not prepping for games sets it off. There are a multitude of triggers and most of the time I don't know why I am reaching for my anti-anxiety meds. 

Doing conventions and in-person games are thus particularly challenging for me because there you are under scrutiny and there's an expectation and performance anxiety and all that jazz. I find that running games online is my sweet spot because, while I still am in front of people, I'm not physically being under scrutiny and I can tell my brain to calm down. It doesn't mean I don't have anxiety when I run games, but it lessens the blow somewhat.

I wish I could say, after 10 years of GMing in some kind of capacity, the anxiety has waned, but I would be lying. Because in some ways, while related to the activity, anxiety is also its own beast that will take any opportunity to rear its head and take a bite out of you.

So what is this post about then if not a 'It gets better'?

In a sense it is that. A lot of people fear the GM's chair and wait until they are less afraid. The truth is that the victory is in fighting through the fear. The feeling doesn't get better, but you do. You become more competent at handling it.

I read a Joe Abercrombie book many, many years ago. And I can't find the quote so that's a sure sign that my brain has butchered it and stitched it together to make a different kind of sense. Essentially the concept was that courage was like a whetstone: with use and time, it becomes smaller. Meaning the older you become, the less geared you are towards doing daunting things. As someone who lives with anxiety, I certainly see the truth of that. Now, in my forties, I'm even more skittish than I was before.

I guess, in a sense, the ultimate message of this post is this: Don't wait to feel braver. Don't wait to feel more assured. Don't wait. 

You might feel braver and more assured - you're not me with my anxiety. You might find it in you to jump into the GMing seat after a pause. But you might never feel that assurance. And if you wait for that before you do anything, you're going to miss out on a very enriching experience.

Gaming Babble to note that I'm alive!

The first post for 2026 was not supposed to be coming out nearing the end of February, but here we are.

So this babble is probably going to be all over the place, but I am scatterbrained so it's fine.

What have I been playing on PC?

Aska

It is still in early access and definitely isn't a 'complete' game, but I really dig this game. I usually end up playing like an hour of it every two or three days and that consistency has meant that I've racked up quite a few hours of play time. People could argue that it is still very empty and I'd agree... that just means that there's more coming and honestly, I'm excited for it.

Foundation

I bought Foundation when it was still in early access and kinda forgot about it as they worked on their updates. It released it's 1.0 version in January last year and I decided to give it a go when a recent notification for update came up. I'm enjoying it. You have to think about how you want to build your town a little differently than one would in a game like Settlers and Banished. I play it when I want to relax and listen to music... which admittedly is quite frequently. I should be doing other things - more on that later.

StarRupture

Another early access game, this time by Creepy Jar - the makers of Green Hell which I've babbled about before. It feels like it took inspiration from Satisfactory as it is a factory-building and exploration game with a few other things that keep you on your toes. It's still early days and there are a lot of fixing that needs to happen to run the game smoothly, but it's going to be a fun one. The humour is there and the factory building aspect is fun. I always look forward to returning to my spaghetti-bowl base...

Battlefield 6

This is probably the game few people would imagine I'd play. I used to play the old single-player Call of Duty games and I didn't like the newer iterations and multiplayer. This is the first of the Battlefield franchise that I've played and there are elements that just spark a similar happy feeling. I'm not good at the game. My highest score is always how many times I've died. I don't know one scope from another or anything about gun stats, but that's not why I play the game. Sometimes it's just fun running and shooting the shit out of people while cackling a little crazily. This is my go-to game for that currently.

Don't Starve Together

After a very long break, I've restarted playing DST and playing it with friends even! It's still a brutally difficult game for me, but I love the art style, I love the humour, I love the characters and the challenge. And even though I die frequently, I find the game mostly relaxing. I have babbled about Don't Starve in the past, but basically it is a survival game where darkness means death and starvation is always around the corner. The beautifully twisted Tim Burton-esque art style keeps you entertained while you learn how to survive the different seasons, the different biomes, and the critters you encounter.

I've had this game for years, I've been playing it for years, I have yet to survive a game 'year'. I think my record was 48 days or something.... haha!

It is the game I turn to when I'm in the mood for a challenge with amusement laced in between. 

Satisfactory 

Satisfactory is a factory-building and exploration game that I've babbled about before. I've dumped so many hours into this game from early access to official release and it's almost always installed on my computer. My current playthrough is promising. I might just complete the game this time... but it's slow going. The problem is that it's about automation a lot of the time and while I understand that notion, I find it very difficult for my brain to really plan things in a way that makes it possible. So instead of being outside of the spaghetti conveyor belts and machines, my pioneer is one with the spaghetti, feeding into machines and making sure that everything works... well... reasonably.

That's a lot of gaming... what else am I up to?

Well, predictably, I've been running D&D and ToV (Tales of the Valiant) games. 

Oh! I'm so happy Level Up Store has begun stocking Tales of the Valiant books! As far as I know this is the first and only place where you can get these books in South Africa.

I currently have two dedicated campaigns that I'm running:

• My TNO homebrew for the North American crew is going really well. It's a big group of people, which can be a bit daunting as I've never had as big of a crew at one gaming 'table' but I love the stories that are coming from their characters.
• The Dragon Heist game that I started last year is still running. We're about a third into the game with the extra padding provided by the Alexandrian Remix. We've had a lot of player shuffling which does bring a challenge because now half of the people playing weren't there when the foundation for the intrigue-heavy game was laid, but we're navigating that alright. Fortunately I know the game so well after having run it so many times that it's not so much of a challenge to prep for it.

Along with running two dedicated campaigns, I also run oneshots of different games. I would like to do that more for systems like Tales of the Valiant, and Fantasy Age. But one thing at a time.... or a few (other) things at a time. haha.

Okay, that's a LOT of gaming.

Yes, I know. My plate is full up again. In among the games, I do life things - mostly consisting of work and sleep... haha. 

TTRPG Babble: Stats!

I see that I always share my stats around October every year, so I figured better late than never.

This year was a little weird prep-wise. Usually there's a clear month-active / month-inactive that goes on where as I had four somewhat busy months this year and there rest were middling. It made sense though. March I was still under the impression that I was going to do the October convention (which didn't pan out) and I worked my ass off getting things ready. August was the GeeksxGamers event. September was spent making maps for my homebrew - and they're some nice maps but I can't share them (yet?). And end November was the next GeeksxGamers event.

Oddly though, while this year wasn't terrible in terms of possible burnout, I clocked the most hours prepped of the three years since I've been logging them. It makes sense though, I have had a lot of games and randomness going on this year.

Recap of the year's TTRPGS campaigns ran by me.

• I finished off "Phandelver" - deciding not to continue further with the "and Below" part.
• After 59 sessions, I've put my homebrew with the South Africans on permanent hiatus. Considering we started the game in 2021, I am quite pleased with how far it went.
• The last session for my homebrew for the North Americans this year will be session 29. It's still going surprisingly well even if we can sometimes only play once a month.
• I started running "Waterdeep: Dragon Heist" with some South Africans. Scheduling has been a challenge but I'm about to drop a bomb on them so I'm quite excited to see what happens. we have possibly one or two sessions left this year.

GeeksxGamers is doing it again!

So in August, GeeksxGamers had their maiden voyage into the world of conventions. On 29 November, they're setting sail again in partnership with Valhalla Gaming to run an event dedicated to gaming. 

Girls in Gaming is going to be an event filled with eSports, TTRPGs, Board Games, War Games, and other games, quizzes and cosplay.

This event, giving the nod to females in gaming, isn't reserved for them alone. It is more an acknowledgement that in a perceived male-dominated setting, women are active and willing to game as well. It is a celebration of diversity.

My part in this event is, of course, on the TTRPG side. I have games prepped for D&D 5e 2014, Realms of Pugmire, and Fantasy AGE. My fellow GMs are primarily focused on D&D, so it's not all weird new things we're doing on that front.

The GM workshop - Big Reveal

In my previous post, I talked about wanting to do something about the GM shortage that we have. And... I did a thing.

THE THING

In short, I'm running a six-session series on the absolute basics of GMing - specifically focusing on the more adminny, less creative aspect. Not all Game Masters are going to run their first, second, or even tenth game as a homebrew and there are some considerations that all of them would benefit to spend some time on. So that's what I'm going to try and facilitate.

The format is simple. Each session, I'll yammer for a maximum of 20 minutes on the subject I had prepared (with SLIDES! Oh! And HAND OUTS!). Then I'll open it up for discussion, questions, etc. until people are exhausted or two hours have passed.

Time zones being what they are, the current series will probably be easier for Africa, Europe and UK peeps to join, but if it works out, I might try to find a more friendly time for the Americas as well.

I'm very excited, a little nervous, but mostly determined to help do my part.

Let's see how this goes.

TTRPG Ramble: Past and present

This post is a mix of what I've been up to, what I'm actively working on, and future plans. 

First, what I won't be doing. In April, I blogged about the TTRPG thing at Con.ect. That has unfortunately fallen through. I'm sad about it but it is what it is.

Anyway, rather than ruminating too much about that, I'll instead babble about other TTRPG things:

I've been running a Phandelver game that's now heading towards a close. I was planning on doing the "and Below" part but there was a general sense of exhaustion coming from the group. They love their characters, but I didn't know whether this campaign would've been a good one for them.

And I have a Dragon Heist game going that is starting the second chapter of the book. It's been amusing so far. I haven't run DH in a while and need to reacquaint myself with all the strings of the various puppets and plots. The group is relaxed, so I don't think we're going to burn through the material quickly.

My South African homebrew game lasted 59 sessions before I called an indefinite break to it. But the story hasn't died in my mind. I'm still consistently making notes for it. Not only for the North American group that's currently working through the material, but for future possible scenarios.

Speaking of the North American group, we're 25 sessions in. It's been interesting leading them through because of the different focus' that they have towards aspects of the world. It makes me very appreciative of the groups I've had gone through it past and present because they have made me work harder on this idea of mine. 

I'm toying with the idea of running more games... I do have a few concerns about over extending myself though. Life has been pretty stressful and I don't know if adding more on my plate would be the best course of action.

I think I just need a holiday. That would be nice. I should maybe think of taking a couple of days off somewhere soon.

So that's what I've done and what I've been up to. What I'm planning on doing in future has to do with my whine a year ago about the lack of GMs. I figure one has to be the change one wants to see or some such. So I'm doing something that will hopefully yield something good. We'll see.

GeeksxGamers convention: Game, game, drop, take an energy drink, up you go

One Sunday, something strange happened to me. I got a phone call. I stared at the phone, looking at it as if it were a bomb and realised I should probably answer...

And in a way it was a bomb. A good bomb. There is going to be a convention in Gqeberha that's happening on 9 August 2025 at Walmer Town Hall. It's going to involve people being able to play D&D (2014), a selection of over 50 boardgames, and Magic the Gathering. There's going to be a Warhammer exhibition, two cosplay competitions and two Klask competitions.

It sounds super exciting to have this in the city and, having met the organisers, I can say that they're as excited and enthusiastic about the opportunity this will bring as I am.

How is the day going to work?

The convention is divided into two time-segments - day and night - and each of them has their own entrance fee of R300 or if you're planning on staying there from 9am to 11pm the cost is R500.

EDIT: Following the feedback received from the community, the convention slashed their prices. And is now charging half of the original cost! Thus R150 per session and R250 for the whole day.

There's been some critique about the cost being steep. My argument to that is that a stroll-through-stalls convention can cost you near R100, if not more. Attending a three-hour movie where you sit on your behind doing nothing but watching costs you R200. Here you have the opportunity to spend several hours playing games, learning some new once, interacting with people and having fun for R300. To me, it sounds like money well spent.

If that doesn't sell you, think on this. There are oneshot D&D tables that cost $25 per person per session for 2.5 to 3 hours. Being able to access several games that exceed that time for cheaper than that is a big deal.

EDIT: Following the feedback received from the community, the convention slashed their prices. And is now charging half of the original cost!

So what will I be doing?

I've been approached to be one of the 40 volunteers who will help make those brave souls who venture through the doors feel welcome... I will sit them down, smile, and then try to kill them in D&D.😈 There are going to be around six tables dedicated to running D&D for curious folk or seasoned veterans with party levels of 3rd, 5th, and 8th respectively. I've been asked to try and pack as many games into the day as I can... which will probably mean three or four sessions of around three hours each. 

That is a new kind of challenge for me, but I'm excited to take it on. And I won't be the only DM there. So what I'm saying is that the TTRPG tables will be rocking.

Boardgames

I'm not big on boardgames so I can't say much about it except that there will be a LOT on offer to play. There are also volunteers that will be taking care of players and helping them out. I've heard the selection will be beginner friendly but that there's some fun ones in the mix. Out of 50 games, I can't imagine that a person won't find one game they'd enjoy.

The ultimate problem for introverts tends to be finding the people who'll play those games with you and here is where the beauty of a convention catering for activities comes in. You can't throw stones at not finding people if you're not there to join with those who resonate at the same frequency. 

Magic the Gathering and Klask

I'll be honest, I don't know anything about either of these games but they'll also be at the convention and so should earn mention. There's more information on the convention's website about both.

Warhammer exhibition

Representatives of the city's wargaming enthusiasts are going to come show their awesome miniatures. They'll have a section specifically dedicated to Warhammer and will be there to interact with anyone interested in getting into the addiction.

Cosplay competition

There will be two cosplay competitions for each time segment of the convention. Pre-prep and communication before the convention is essential for those who're interested in taking part of it. More details on their website.

A last thing...

So I'm very excited about this convention, like I've said above, and I think it's worth supporting. To that end, I would ask that you spread the word if you're in the area or come join if you're curious. From the D&D side I can tell you that newbies are absolutely welcome at my table. And I know others feel the same. 

"But I don't have a character!" - That can be supplied.

"But I don't have dice!" - Dice will be provided.

"But but but..." - No buts! Just butt there! 

See you soon 😁

Build up and pay off - When TTRPGs go right.

It's almost four days since it happened.

Since what happened, you ask?

Magic. Since magic happened.

In March 2024, I started a D&D homebrew campaign with the North American crew. Having run this adventure with the South Africans, I had some vague certainties as to what was going to happen down the line. So I began seeding things - gave one player's character random heartburn and weird dreams about the past.

Saturday night (technically Sunday morning for me), 19 sessions and more than a year later, I finally got to tell him why.

I was, as always, very nervous. I struggle with almost permanent anxiety and just having the reason for it being different. Needless to say, that was raging. I also have a large group of people whom I don't want to sideline for the big reveal, so I worked on ways to include them through recollection or questions. We also had a surprise new edition to the party that required me bringing them into the game in a way that still works for the story. Oh! And I only had two hours to do all of the things in.

A lot of things to juggle for my anxiety-crazed brain.

So I took away combat for this session. I mostly took away exploration. Instead, I focused in on the tier of play that I love the most and comes up the least in many campaigns. I let the people roleplay for two hours.

This group knows how to roleplay.

The player whose character had weird heartburn had such a look of shock when I finally revealed why there's a stabby-burn feeling in his chest. And the shock reverberated through all of them. There were slack jaw moments which I will cherish in my memory forever. It was such an amazing time. Amazing enough to vaguely write a post about it. ;-)

Story payoffs like this one doesn't come as frequently to me in a campaign. I will never be able to duplicate this even for the same group. But I'm challenged to try. 

What's happening in the land of Ris?

 So it's been a while... I got more weary after my last post and have been vegetating a bit. However, things are also kinda busy in my world so I thought I'd give a general babble about what's happening in terms of hobbies and what's not.

TTRPGs

There's been a number of developments in terms of what I'm up to with regards to TTRPGs. 

• My longest running homebrew D&D game with the South Africans have come to a bit of a halt. We completed 59 sessions from 2021 until now and, while we've had some breaks, they haven't been sufficient. People are fatigued and I decided that it would be better to put the game on indefinite hiatus. This also gives me the opportunity to rest more (see below on what I'm up to to why this statement is funny).

• My homebrew game with the North Americans is going on session 18. What I find interesting is that I'm the one who wants to move the current thread along and they're like "no, we want to use the next session to talk about things that has happened so far". Which is awesome. I am not complaining.
  
  
• I'm planning on running two different oneshots at our local gaming convention in October - one for the Fantasy AGE system and the other for Tales of the Valiant. I have the "stories" basically formulating in my mind and spent a huge amount of time on creating character sheets... and I'm not done yet. I'm also practicing the oneshots on my friends and will be running the ToV one in May. Should be fun.
  
  A bit more on the idea we have. A group of us are essentially going to have two tables running games on both days of the convention. The games will only be two-and-a-half hours in length - thirty minutes to familiarise players with the system and each other and then two hours on the actual playing. We're going to be showing off games like Fantasy AGE, Tales of the Valiant, Daggerheart, Realms of Pugmire, and others. 
  
  
  
  
  
• I'm also running two games with the same group of people on Saturdays. We're playing a Phandelver and Below D&D campaign, but on days when not everyone can come, we mess around with Fantasy AGE trying to familiarise ourselves with it.

Computer Gaming

• I'm slowly, very very slowly, playing Mass Effect again. And by slowly, I mean 'I have gotten to the Citadel for the first time and haven't touched the game in like a week afterwards' kind of slowly. I constantly try not to be sucked in by how amazing the game was build and the world constructed. I try to remind myself how hurt I was and how painful the end is going to be. And then I see a cutscene and it's like "Oooohhh..... prettty!" I be dumbass, yes.
  
  
• I'm also losing time in Stranded: Alien Dawn which has recently been acquired by Paradox Interactive... it doesn't immediately bother me but I have to wonder how many million DLCs they'd be able to get out of a game like that. 
  
  
• Aska is also a game I play quite regularly. I know there's a lot of micromanaging that you need to do, but it's relaxing. It's got all the makings of a settlement builder and survival game all meshed up into one. It ticks all the boxes in my mind as something that I want to play without thinking too hard.
  
  
• And then finally there's Mechwarrior 5: Mercenaries. A game I shouldn't enjoy because I don't know anything about the stats and guns and whatnots. But somehow, even though I am terrible at the game, I find myself enjoying what I can do. I've had to restart several times in the campaign because I inevitably run out of money and working mechs, but it's still fun. I get the same enjoyment out of it that I got from Battletech and I miss just as badly. haha.

Writing

I've picked up writing again, albeit very very VERY slowly. I have a Mass Effect fanfic that I'm posting for the first time which actually came into existence over a decade ago. For any of you who followed Shattered Reality on FanFiction.com, the story I'm posting now is the one that inspired and is referred to in that one. You can read both without being spoiled by the other, so if you are interested in Mass Effect fanfics the Shattered Reality story was finished and is beefy. 

TV / Streaming

I don't really watch any shows all that much. I've never been big at watching series unless it's something that really catches my attention. I'm happy to see that The Last of Us is back with a second season. Having played the games and enjoying the story, I'm happy to see how they translate that into a different medium. I was a little worried that Bella Ramsey wasn't going to seem older in the second season, but so far I'm on board. 

Board Games / Card Games

I'm still playing Arkham Horror at least twice a month. We've worked through a number of campaigns and it's been a lot of fun. I've been asked to teach others how to play the game at a board-gaming event. So naturally I decided to pull my friends in because I am not keen on doing stuff like that alone, haha. That's happening on Sunday this weekend. (If you are in the area and interested, send me a message and I'll give you details or link you up with people that have the details).

In Conclusion...

So I'm not inactive. If anything, I'm quite busy and keep myself at that level a bit too much. That said, I'm enjoying myself thoroughly, so I can't complain about things that help my mental health and give me joy. 

Outside of the hobby world, things are a bit rough. At least I have things I can take shelter in.

Lack of Energy - The BBEG

 So February behaved a little better than January did. That has been a mercy as the pendulum finally seems to be changing direction and heading the other, hopefully better, way. But with the passage of time, it has become very apparent that a 'new' challenger has reared its head.

Lack of Energy: the BBEG.

I have so much I want to do. I have D&D games I'm running, solo-games I want to do, I'm working on rewriting an old fanfic (more on that in a possible later babble), I have game manuals and stories to read. But I only have so much energy left in the tank, and refilling that energy doesn't seem to be happening at a sufficient enough pace.

Which is why I stopped streaming. It's not that I don't like it, I do. I enjoy it quite a bit. It's just that it expends a lot of energy. Energy that I don't currently have on hand.

I don't think it's burnout. At least, not yet. But I do realise that I have to be cautious that it doesn't turn into that.

So what am I going to do about it? Well, I'm taking a week off of work in two weeks and I'm actually leaving the house two of those nights to stay in a little rondavel by the ocean. So some peace and quiet might help quite a bit.

Is two nights quiet enough? Probably not, but I'm also trying not to put as much pressure on myself to perform. After January's events, it's clear I took a knock and I'm slowly trying to rebalance.

It's slow going but this BBEG is not one I'm going to allow to win.

Mini-babble: Cartograph Atlas Edition

So remember when I said December was an emotional trainsmash? Well, it would seem that January didn't like that and tried to one up it.

WTF, January?!

So as per usual, I sought escape from the insanity that I find myself in. And I found a new solo TTRPG to babble about! Introducing: Cartograph Atlas Edition.

So to play this game you need a number of six-sided dice that are going to represent one of three types of things so you need to try and have them be at least three colours. These are going to represent landmark dice, biome dice, and temporary dice. Along with that, you're going to need a piece of paper, a pencil, an eraser, a pack of playing cards, and a notebook to journal in.

The idea behind this game is that you take on the persona of a cartographer (selected from lists or rolled randomly) who arrives at an area populated by other people and you've been tasked to draw a map and chart what you find. You have different phases of play - one of which has you roll dice onto the paper to see what biomes and landmarks you find. You also have a phase that involves writing responses to prompts about the different areas you've travelled to.

Now obviously, you can play fast and loose with this idea. For example, I played a little following the rules and phases and then I realised that I'm just too brain tired to actually write anything, so I ended up just creating a map with the dice rolling (which is was quite fun). The book also gives you ways to modify play from the default fantasy roll, draw, and write.

One can buy Cartograph Atlas Edition pdf from Itchio for $12 USD. Or you can purchase it and over 100 other solo ttrpgs for $10 USD on Itchio by getting the Solo But Not Alone 5 bundle. I will probably babble about some of the solo TTRPGS in other posts as I explore them. The bundle is available for the next three months.

A brief update. Proof of life. And all that.

 I haven't posted in a while. Mostly because I've been kinda brain dumb and not really doing anything geeky or anything. But let me attempt an update.

December was an emotional trainsmash. - whoops! Wrong blog. Let's try that again.

I didn't do much in December. Played Satisfactory, Aska, and Dragon Age: Veilguard. (And before you ask: love the character and the issues "forced down the throats of gamers", so if you're one of those who took offense at that story aspect... kindly exit stage right).

I played D&D and prepped D&D and did a lot of things D&D.

I coloured in while watching The Last of Us season 1... which is kinda amusing. It's my third time watching so I didn't really have to concentrate too much, but you'd think it would but me while colouring. Instead I found it kinda relaxing. Go figure.

Uhm, what else? Oh! I got an amazing present from my best friend. So it comes with a bit of a story: In my homebrew, which I've babbled about a LOT, there is an NPC which is very near and dear to my heart and literally the first character the players interact with when the campaign starts. So my friend commissioned an artist to draw her and then she herself crocheted a stuffy using the same colours used by the artist.

For myself, I bought a bookshelf to store my D&D stuff on. Not the most awe-inspiring gift, I guess, but it made me happy.

Babble about things and then eventually LegendKeeper

 There are a number of things I collect randomly. I have purchased an insane number of TTRPG pdfs off of sites like DriveThruRPG. I love stationery so places like The Papery are a massive problem. I have an enormous number of PC games on my Steam account but only play a few of them for longer than an hour or two.

And then, in a weird mesh of online stationery, I love trying programmes and websites having to do with writing. I have Scrivener; I was a big fan of Liquid Story Binder (but they're no longer updating it 😕); Microsoft OneNote remains a big favourite; Obsidian is golden for idea crafting and linking; and so on...

This means that I have an overabundance of programmes and places where my homebrew world resides. And I know that this kind of window-shopping for programmes is basically procrastination from actually working on writing, but I have also just been trying to find the one that works the easiest and the best.

World Anvil is a strong contender for working the best, but I can't call it the easiest website to learn. It is incredibly robust and the things you can do there are simply phenomenal. But you need to have an understanding of the programme you're working with. You need to think about things in a particular way, otherwise you won't have a clue what you're doing.

And then came Anto from Icarus Games and he started sharing about his campaign which he writes up in LegendKeeper - a worldbuilding site that does all the things I need it to do (and more) without overwhelming me with everything it can do.

I tried it out for the 14-day trial period and I was still a bit skeptical but growing more convinced that this both covers working the easiest and covering all the bases I need covered. So, when my brother asked what I'd like for a Christmas present, I asked that he'd help me get a year subscription. The site keeps your projects if you no longer subscribe and enables you to export it. So the work wouldn't just hang there inaccessible if you don't pay... but, after a week of working on this programme, I have to say I think this is going be one of those sites (like Inkarnate and Roll20) that is going to become a permanent thing.

So let's (finally) talk about LegendKeeper...

As mentioned above, it is a worldbuilding website. What that means is that it allows you to write and compile a series of articles (with or without the help of templates), and link them to each other and whatever maps you have loaded up. There are some standard templates available to help prompt you, should you need that (user-created templates are also available on their Discord). All of this enables you to set up a wiki as detailed or sparse as you'd like it to be. You can also select certain pages, tabs, or paragraphs to be hidden and kept secret from those who you share the project with.

Which leads me to the first 'nit pick' of LegendKeeper in its current state.

LegendKeeper is currently in Open Beta. Which means that there are a multitude of features available, but it is still a work in progress. If I understand it correctly, there are two ways to share the project. One is by a link which means they won't need an account and can see all the things you didn't hide in the project. This would generally be great for just sharing with your players so they have a wiki-like view of things. The second is by actually given them access to a role. This enables them to collaborate and not just view. Currently there are only two roles: admin (sees everything including secrets), and member (sees only what you've made available, can edit if you allow it).

There's currently no fiddling with what each collaborator can do. You have an all-or-nothing approach which doesn't work as well if you have multiple groups running the game - as they'd need varying access to information. If I read it correctly, it is the developer's intention to diversify roles a bit and add them almost like Discord does. So this isn't a deal-breaker or anything. It's probably the one problem I have with it amongst a lot of good.

I'm not halfway through doing what I need to do to upload all my scattered notes onto LegendKeeper, but I'm happy so far with what I have there. And I'm happy with how simple it is and impressed by how complex you can make it. The pricing for everything you're getting is also reasonable. 

So all in all I'd say I'm very happy with LegendKeeper. Let's give it a year and see what I make of it when I need to resubscribe. 

Homebrew update

I took a couple of months this year to break from my homebrew, but I'm happy to report I'm back in the saddle and have been having a great time with both my South African and North American groups.

So what has been happening. Well the [redacted] that I've been working for years has finally been [redacted]!! That's amazing, right?

😉

Version 1 - back in 2021

No, but to be more serious, a lot of good things are finally falling into place. For my North American group, they've finally moved out of the starter settlement and are learning an overabundance of things. I was a little worried that they would go in a different direction than I had hoped, but after teeter-tottering between three locations, they settled on the "right" one. This is the ultimate challenge of having an overarching "story" in something of a sandbox. I want the players to go where they want to go with their characters but need to make sure there's something for them in the direction they decided on.

I'm also (super) excited to see what they do with the area they've gone to. Some great story beats can be found there including a cameo of my mother's very first D&D character... but it can also be completely missed. That's the thing about player agency: it's up to them to find the threads you hope they'll find. I know there's also the whole 'give them a choice and then just make that choice the right one' as a strategy but I haven't really the experience and insight on how to do that with my game. So yeah. So far it's going very good. We're meeting next week for session 10 which is a bit of a milestone in my mind, though I don't exactly know why that's the case.

--.--

Current version - still a work-in-progress

My South African players have had 53 sessions and I've just dropped a lore bomb on them. They're focused and ready to go find out information. My attempts at intrigue was a little iffy, but then again, it was my first attempt at it so I'm happy that at this redirection. The thing I've also learned about intrigue is that it is more likely to split the party. Which I don't mind, but you almost want solo sessions then versus sitting for three hours and spotlighting each player as they do things the other's characters know nothing about.

The break did me some good in solidifying my ideas and being able to present something coherent with all the threads I had been having them pick up on for three years. I'm happy to have used Obsidian to put those thoughts together. It has been super useful.

--.--

I'm hoping to move my GM "world book" over to a single place. I had initially tried World Anvil but my brain didn't want to work with the setup. I tried it twice actually and feel like I failed horribly both times. A number of people I know recommend it and I would too, if that's how your mind processes information. I found it a bit overwhelming.

The site I'm keen on trying next is LegendKeeper. I don't think it's necessarily better than any of the other sites and programmes I've tried, but I'm hoping that it will just "gel" with me better. The membership fee isn't too bad. I'm going to try it out for a year and see how it works. Might blog about it in here.

I'm breaking my rule today...

... usually I confine this blog to being a geeky only blog but I feel passionate enough about this particular cause to go against my usual inclination.

This picture was taken March of 2019... and as content as I may seem in it, I was waiting to be admitted into a mental health facility.

I was having a really rough time. My circumstances had not changed in years but I had become tired of them. Soul tired. It got to the point where I chose to forego taking sleeping meds because I was too tempted to overdose. 

After some discussions with my mother, I contacted my psychiatrist and explained the problem. Clearly the medication I was on for my bipolar depression and situational depression wasn't being effective, but I had also just lost the will to combat the overwhelming exhaustion and despair that I was submerged in. He agreed that some time away would probably be the best and so we started the process of getting me admitted.

This brought a problem with work and social obligations. In both situations, my peers were completely unaware that it was a problem. I had one work colleague that knew I had some challenges, but didn't know I was in distress. I had colleagues who looked down on mental health issues as weakness, as not being strong enough, and of course the gossips who would just eat this up. Social obligations were basically my Friday D&D... which I felt at the time was my one ray of light in the week. I felt that I didn't want to just disappear with them thinking I was disinterested or something.

So I told my friends the truth, because my real-life deception score is pretty poor. And they leapt into action. The following week while I waited for a bed was spent taking me to the beach, giving me ice cream, taking me out for coffee, feeding me all kinds of fattening things, and just giving me something I didn't have up to that point (or that I didn't know I had): Social support.

It took a week and a half for a bed to be available at the mental health place... and that time was enough for me to get back on my feet. Yes, I was still in distress. No, it would take a long time for me to recover completely (years, in fact). But the immediate "I want to die right now" storm had passed. So when the bed was finally available, I declined going. 

I will be honest and say part of me wouldn't want to go there because I was raised in a world where mental health was tremendously stigmatised. But I am grateful that I (1) had the opportunity to go if I needed to and (2) was okay enough to decline the opportunity.

So why did I decide to share all this? Because today, 10 October, is World Mental Health Day and the best way to help sometimes is raising awareness, by being a bit more open than we usually are.

Streaming Thoughts and Plans

 It's been a while since I've done a stream on Twitch. I am planning to get back to it but I needed to take a break for a bit. That sounds dire, but honestly it wasn't for any negative reasons - all good ones, actually. Life just got very busy and there were things I've been waiting most my life to do which I got to do. So yay. 

But seeing as this isn't a life blog, I shan't go into too many details of the above. Suffice it to say that I am on a break and will return to trying to stream on a weekly basis when I feel like it. Which at this point is probably November, but no promises.

It does bring the question: What will I be streaming? I have ideas...

One of the games I'll definitely be playing on stream will be Satisfactory. It finally got it's 1.0 release after many years of being a delightful Early Access game and I haven't had the chance to dig into it yet. So I'm going to excitedly play that.

For those who don't know, Satisfactory is a first-person factory-building and exploration game where you're set on a planet to gather resources and build factories for items that the people off planet are looking for. 

It's the only factory game I've really gotten into and I enjoy it quite a bit. I will be trying to build less spaghetti-like factory lines this time around but there are no guarantees. I'm far too used to just running and jumping and sliding around, over, and under my mess of conveyor belts. If I haven't gotten organised in the 285 hours I've already spent on it, there's is virtually no chance that I'll magically bring order to chaos this time around.

Another game I will be eager to get back to is Aska. Another major update is scheduled for 14 October and, from what I've played in the game in general, I'm excited to see what the developers come up with.

I haven't babbled about Aska yet, but will in time when I've formed enough to say something about it. In short, it is a third-person settlement builder with strong Viking themes. There are some micromanaging things that need to be smoothed out. I can't jump every time a villager doesn't have a tool. But other than that, the bit that I've played it has been really good.

There is and always will be my D&D prep of creating maps on stream. Those will come in on sporadic bursts but I always have something I need to desperately work on, especially since running D&D games also was something that took a break. And I'm very glad for that break. But I've also become quite lazy because of it so catching up to the pace I need to prep things at to continue my DMing spree is going to be a challenge.

Another thing I want to do is a creative challenge. I don't exactly what I am going to do for this but I am leaning towards running a solo Starforged game. That's going to be super challenging because the setup prep is relatively easy to do. The actual playing, on the other hand, gets tricky.