RPG - Considering the follow through

“Dare to stand before those you fear and speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” - Maggie Kuhn

I stumbled over this quote today and it's made me want to read some of this woman's writing. It's challenged me a bit. We all enjoy the "yeah! rawh! rawh!" feeling of support when one reads such encouragement... until you're the one whose voice shakes. You realise then that you didn't have an inkling of what that person had even meant up until that point.

I'm sort of there today. I need to share my thoughts on something that has me very upset and it can be read as direct critique on someone else's innocent creativity. And a critique on the response of others on the day that creative work was released. It can seem like a personal attacks against friends. So it's a bit of a minefield topic. For me at least. I'm a very 'do onto others as you would want done onto you' kind of person.

But here's the thing, the topic of this post is not all that uncommon... and that's the problem.

Confused the crap out of you? Let me paint the scenario as best as I can.

You have a one-shot role playing session, which means the K.I.S.S. principle is active. You page through your book of monsters. Find one. A succubus. It's perfect. Challenging, but this is going to be great. A quick story needs to be assembled: A group of men from a rural village choose to explore an old, abandoned mansion of a creepy magic dude. They encounter a succubus, who takes possession of them in some way, getting them to feed it their children. The monster also enhances their sexual cravings, which is how the adventurers who stumble onto this child-/youth-less village find themselves disturbed/intrigued enough to investigate, and end up facing off with it in the abandoned mansion.

Right. K.I.S.S. principle sorted. 

It's sounds terribly innocent, right? Well, look, it is disturbing but you're dealing with a succubi - sex and such will be in there. But there's no underlying tone of anything. Simple one shot.

That wasn't the case for me. Maybe it's me being female and me being over sensitive - I fully own and accept that I'm both - but I'm going to share the story from my perspective (which is part of the wonders of RPGs: It really is your own adventure). Bear in mind that my 'story' is from the perspective of someone who doesn't know what the big bad is. I'm going to repeat it multiple times, because I had to remind myself that as well while writing. It was so easy to go "ag, you know what this is about" when my past self really didn't. And this post is more about her experience than mine.

Our adventurers consisting of two male and female characters (not players which were three and one of the respective genders) arrive at the village deciding to overnight before continuing their journey. Upon entrance, they notice women who are going about their chores. Oddly there aren't any kids around and the women seem disturbed to see the group. The adventurers enter the inn and the innkeeper invites us to a special annual banquet that happens to be that evening. They agree, sit and drink for a bit. All the patrons in the establishment are male.

At this point I'm still okay. It's most likely a misogynistic patriarchal society. My thoughts were "Ugh, bastards. Throw a rock and you'll hit one (or an entire village) of them."

Two of the adventurers spend time drinking and playing card games in the inn (of which I was one). The other two leave the inn to find out more about the town, to talk to the women, and to see where the kids are. They are met with fear and the local women end up saying just enough to be creepy before ducking and diving away from the pair.

Now here is where my antenna started pinging. Personally, I am terribly, terribly sensitive towards fear in women. And I'm not talking 'eek a spider!' kind of fear. I'm talking about that soul-chilling fear that often, not always, but often, surround emotional and physical abuse from the opposite gender. And I don't deal with that very well.

So at this point, I'm not okay anymore. Because I, as a player, don't know the plot. I am hearing that children are hidden or missing, and women are scared, perhaps terrified; all of which was prefixed by the image of a male-centred society.

The two return to the inn where one composes a note which read 'if you are in trouble, we can help' (or something like that). This was given to a woman by one of the female adventurers (yours truly). Time passes. The banquet begins. The men are having the time of their lives. The women aren't as lively. One of the women approaches the female adventurer who had passed on the note (me), hugs her and slips a note in her pocket. The note says that there is trouble and that they'll speak in the evening (I think. Something like that). The woman is trembling with fear.

The men of the village come onto the female adventurers rather strongly and can't seem to take a hint - not even one in the shape of a 7ft orc friend. The men become more "frisky" (the term that was used). One of the female adventurers - an elderly lady - falls asleep and a young lad seems intent on taking advantage of this situation. He gets thrown around by the orc. None of the villagers reacts to this, more intent on their own debauchery. The evening's merriment eventually peters down into the silence of a drunken ending.

Male-centred society. Scared women. 'Frisky' men. So in my mind I'm confirming the abuse and rape of these women, and possible murder of their children. I am no longer an adventurer in this story. I'm a woman listening to this concept being thrown around without people putting pieces together. I'm someone who is getting increasingly upset wondering how I can get out of the room, or how would be the quickest way to make an end of this?

In the evening, the adventurers go to their respective rooms. The women's rooms are not adjacent to the men's....

My thoughts at hearing this: "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! NO! YOU'RE NOT FUCKING DOING THIS TO ME! NOT IN A FUCKING GAME!"

"You hear a knock at your door." 

I can't put into words what I was feeling at this point.

"The woman who gave you the note comes in. She checks the corridor but no one seems to have seen her." 

I am still not a happy camper.

The woman reveals herself to be the chieftain's wife. She bids the adventurer to meet her the following morning when the men are still sleeping off their celebration. There is something wrong with them. They hadn't been this way before. Near the end of the conversation, the door opens. The chieftain's wife tells the adventurer to play along and kisses her - the townsman thus catching them occupied. The chieftain's wife turns to the man, "Fuck off. You can have me later." The man leaves.

...Right... So now it's so common among the men that women have to sleep with them regardless of their station and regardless of whether they want to.

Rape anyone?

My inner self isn't doing very well at this point. And it is here where I really have a tough time. Because this discomfort is misinterpreted as the idea of a woman kissing my character. And that really, really isn't the problem. I am stunned that no one seems to understand why I'm taking this as bad as I am. The word homophobia even gets thrown around which is even more insulting and embarrassing seeing as one of the other players is gay. I hear I must just get over this sex phobia of mine. (And that line is probably going to stay with me forever.)

The next morning.... blah, blah, blah... hears about mansion, should go there, blah. Go over. Fight zombies. Fight skeletons. Explore the house. Reach a door. A woman whimpers on the other side.

>.< 

From here on out, I'm playing with my dice, wincing at every description.

The adventurers enter a master bedroom. *wince* There's a woman tied to one of the bedposts. *wince* 

Another woman is holding a knife to her throat. The aggressor looks like the chieftain's daughter based on a portrait.

At this point, I decide to get it over with. 

While the other adventurers debate on what questions to ask, one of the adventurers (me) opens fire on the aggressor - who dies with the one gunshot. The bound woman begs and pleads to be released.

More begging, more pleading, more whimpering, but I don't trust the story. It's too simple. 

The adventurer studies the bound woman and senses that she isn't a victim but most likely the ultimate big bad. Again the other adventurers try to find out more information. Again the female adventurer turns to violence, pouring gun powder over the 'woman' and setting 'her' on fire.

Unfortunately, in this game succubi (which we only have revealed at this point) are immune to fire damage.

"Roll for initiative."

*sits and tries to think how to end this off*

I'm not going to elaborate further. 

Dear, Reader. If you...

1. have read the encounter above and don't get it:
All I can say to you is, don't expect someone to 'get over' a situation like what has been presented up above. Instead... be kind. And if you can't understand, don't be an ass about it. Yes, it's a medieval setting in a medieval fantasy game there would be events like this. It's life. But most people don't want to face life when they sit by that table. Just... consider the follow through should you get into a situation like it.

2. understand and disagree or think that I responded too badly to it:
Yes, this is something I'm insanely sensitive about. But no. I'm never going to 'get over' stuff like it and will never forgive myself if I get to a point where I do.

3. you understand and agree... glad to know it's not just me. I don't think "we" have the moral high ground or something stupid like that. It's just really nice to know I'm not the only one who would have been freaking out.



NB. NB. NB: This was a random instance. It's a zero consistent reflection on my rpg gaming experience. But it was a tough one. And *shrugs* I had to get it out of my system, and chocolates and rusks binging didn't work.

Starting up a female rpg group. And out of the woodwork...

In falling into this world of DnD, I realised that it too is a bit of a challenge for the geekiness that is lacking in my city. More the lack of female geekiness and those around my age. I'm fortunate that the group of males I play with, while throwing some comments here and there, are all of the non basement-dwelling variety, but such dwellers still seem prevalent. And then there are the bro neanderthals...

Or maybe that's the impression I have and with that impression comes the problem - and the surprise.

Here and there, I've tried to assemble RPG groups. Most of them die in infancy - either because people are too busy or didn't realise that it can take some commitment (read 'work') from people to start off. And, as a DM, you might all but drag that horse to water, but getting it to drink...

So I haven't had all that much success and the group of guys I usually play with also have very hectic work demands... and then they have lives and wives/girlfriends.

Which made me think of those wives and girlfriends. Well, not specific ones, but women in general. I haven't seen invitations for women before, even in the groups I tried to form. But then again, there is the time and commitment thing. But still...

So I approached some women to join a group and two things made them agree. 1. It's a very small group (the two of them and my mom). 2. Because I'm the one running it. The second isn't because I know the game well, or that they've seen me 'lead' and 'organise' anything (I'm usually the one looking for excuses not to go anywhere). It's simply because they know it's a safe zone. No pressure, no judgement, no problem.

But I also didn't know whether it would die off either. And I'm really hungry for playing. Thus, on a whim, I sent out a message on Facebook. I explained that I want to assemble an all-female group of newbie players to play dungeons and dragons. In my world, dnd is still pretty much the devil. So that in itself was a risk. In the post I wrote briefly about what rpg is and what dnd is (four sentences tops) and left it at that.

When it comes to Facebook, I don't really share my life. I post a whole bunch of links to geeky articles, news articles (local drama), deviantart, and other random stuff. I figured that my invitation would be a call that could disappear pretty quickly if it went unanswered.

Only it didn't.

Within minutes I got the first reply, then a second, then a third. A couple of days later one of the three pulled in two other women. Then there are two others that are rumoured to be curious but cautious. How do I know about those two? Through the impromptu grapevine I had suddenly unleashed.

Consider me absolutely gobsmacked. How? Why? How? Wait, what?!

Interestingly enough, the women who stepped in are a spread from different backgrounds, ages ranging from late twenties to late fifties. I mostly used Lord of the Rings references in our first session to explain things and wasn't always sure whether they knew who Gimli was... And yet they were there, not knowing what they were letting themselves in for. They blindly but excitedly stepped into geek/nerd central without hesitation.

Riddle me that.

So why did it take one female calling out for a female group for these women to appear? I bet were there a mixed gender group, or a guy making the call, these ladies might not have stepped up. I know that I wouldn't have stepped up either. Or only if I was feeling super, duper brave and I would have hated myself later. The only way I got into this world was when the dude who ended up being my dm took the first step and introduced himself... and didn't act like an ass.

That this hesitancy is the case for all of us is both sad and mind boggling. It makes me wonder whether they too aren't looking at the pro-"bro culture" society hands out like sweets and expect that they'll find that everywhere. Maybe they too, like me, would rather wait for the testosterone train to charge by before trying to find whatever is left.

Whatever the case, word is spreading and I'm both very baffled and curious to see what's going to happen. Maybe it'll die out, or maybe my city isn't as empty as I thought...

I've fallen in with the wrong crowd...

... And by that I don't mean this:

Though, boy, have I been tempted.

I mean this:

Tabletop role-playing's influence on PC/TV/Mobile RPG gaming simply cannot be denied. It is the bedrock most games have been built on.

But for decades, and in specific crowds, games such as Dungeons and Dragons has had a very bad reputation. I'm not going to go into it here. I think when you look everything that caused such panic, it's often because of idiots or serious concern that became something destructive. With that being said, I'm glad that D&D moved away from the noted occult imagery and shaped the stories and the world into the more fantastical. Some of the D&D controversies are noted here. It does bear mentioning that imagination can be an incredibly powerful thing. Having a place where you can do whatever you want without consequence can brew something sinister - especially when one is still trying to get into one's hormonal, numb skull brain the concept of ethics. Having a group of numb skulls that share in that imagination gives it far more energy. But that can be said of any social group where numb skulls are involved.  And considering the state of our world population...

But back to tabletop rpg. Most people I interact with don't know what it is, so let me give a somewhat brief (but not) explanation: Role-playing games allow you, the player, to step into the role of someone else in a setting of the game's choosing. Most often it is a medieval fantasy realm, but it can really be anything from western, to aliens, to naval ships, to whatever the mind can conceive. To go on this journey, the player usually needs a pen, paper, and dice. And people who are willing to play the game with them. In my life, the latter was the prime reason for not being able to do any tabletop gaming, so don't think that it can't be a challenge. There are ways to get around that though, but I'm going to skip that particular ramble here.

To help add some structure to the story you play, a dice system is used - be it the 20-sided D&D system or something that requires only 6-sided dice (the normal kind of dice you think of) such as used in the Fantasy AGE system. This 'restricts' things a bit in requiring that a person check whether their character would be able to perform whatever feat imagined. These systems also help shape character abilities, how they grow as they gain experience, and so on. One also requires a Game Master (GM or DM - Dungeon Master) who leads the group in their story.

What really appeals to me about tabletop RPG gaming is simply that I am able to take part in a story without having to go look for one, plan for one, or write one down. The structure is there, the story threads are there. All that I need is to step into it. And in doing that, I can also try playing roles that are different to my own personality or how I've been shaped by society. As someone who isn't charismatic, I can suddenly play a bard - I can take my instrument and play a tune to woo the crowd (depending on how high my die roll is at the end). I can convince people to do things not because I'm naturally eloquent as a person, but because my character is and what ultimately determines my success is the roll of a die. So I don't really have to be able to haul all of that flattery and nonsense out of my rear end - though trying is always welcomed and adds more fun to the game.

Critical Role - RPG group

And don't think that a game such as this is merely a brain dead thing. There are powerful moments to be had in a game. You can have loss, you can have gain, tears can be shed - whether in laughter or distress. What makes it wonderful is that you're able to be someone else, or be a better part of yourself. How you ultimately play is how you decide and with that liberty comes a great deal of fun.

For those of you who are curious about role-playing or just would like to 'sit in' on a session, or for those who currently don't have access to a bunch of people to play games with, or someone who's just bored, I would recommend two Youtube shows hosted by Geek & Sundry.

The characters Critical Role's players embody

•  Critical Role where a group of friends - all voice actors - sit together every Thursday to play D&D. What's really nice about this one is that these friends were running this game for around three years before G&S approached them about recording it. And you can see those years of connection there. Delightful.

Titansgrave

• Titansgrave where Wil Wheaton runs a Fantasy AGE game with four actors/celebrities. This show has shorter episodes and has a very different tone to it, but enjoyable and an intriguing story. The first season was shot in only three days. Fans are eagerly awaiting the second season.

Note though that both recommended shows are actually done by people who have no issue with acting and such. I would love to share some other shows with you, but I've yet to discover other sessions on youtube that really struck my fancy. But there are many more sessions out there recorded by people great and small who merely want to share the games they're playing.

Tabletop role-playing has pretty much turned into my fandom, though I'm still actively playing games on my PC. I'll babble about some others in future, but I do need to confess that this particular concept of group collaboration is very appealing.

Which is maybe why I've begun dabbling with this:

Yes... Multiplayer...

My usual stance on multiplayer is:

1. Far too many assholes trolling about.
2. My internet connection is generally shite.
3. Not a lot of friends playing games I'm interested in playing.

How have these feelings been countered?

1. Friends-only games
2. Moving to a place with better reception.
3. Don't Starve Together and Left 4 Dead 2.
4. AlyssC01

Figured I'd own up on taking part in things I usually am vehement in bashing. Can't have me be a hypocrite, now can we?

Game ramble - XCom 2

Happy new year!!

Wait? What do you mean it's March already? What in the world....?!

The first quarter of the year - most especially March - is always a thing of nightmares. That and November. The only difference between the two months is that in March we try to keep our claws sheathed. Try...

But I digress.

Because of the insanity, one must have some way to relax. To get rid of the stress.

Shooting aliens and zombies (L4D2 ftw!) really helps.

So in this post I'll ramble about one of these relaxing methods by talking about:

Following XCom: Enemy unknown, XCom 2 starts off with a rather unexpected turn of events. The XCom project failed. Now, 20 years after that defeat, humanity has found itself co-existing with the seemingly benign alien rulers who have supposedly gone out of their way to improve humanity's way of life. The rebellion lives on, however, and XCom is still providing some resistance, now as the guerrilla underdogs sticking it to the man... er... alien.


XCom 2 is in some ways controversial with the immediate struggles gamers face in attempting to get it to run. This has sparked a substantial amount of gamer rage - with good reason, I believe. And hopefully Firaxis will see to those problems bloody soon, or else...

You will also find that people are conflicted about their views of the game itself. Yahtzee delivers some very solid reasons as to why some are unhappy about it - in his usual crude way... though not as a crude as usual.

So why do I like it so much?

I suppose it comes down to expectation.

I love XCom. I still actively play it - to the point where I know all the maps, which is a little annoying. All I really wanted was more of it.

And, in some sense, that is exactly what XCom 2 is. It doesn't really have enough variety to make you feel like you're transported into a different game altogether. It feels more like a very complex add-on pack. Which is pretty much what I wanted and so I'm playing the hell out of it and not getting anywhere because I die far too much before gaining much in the line of victories.

XCom 2 offers some variation in your monsters - mostly appearing as an evolution of what you had faced in the previous game. The classes are mostly the same though the advancement options are slightly different. The maps have enough variety that it takes you quite a number of hours before you recognize where your people have been dropped and how they've changed the angle - a nice way not to make the maps feel terribly repetitive.

The game is basically a build on to its predecessor. Which to me is fine if not necessarily the ideal of a brand new game one had to wait four years to see released.

Usually, one shouldn't be happy with 'more of the same' when it comes to sequels, but I am... maybe that just shows how delighted I was by the first one. I still get a massive amount of satisfaction when my ranger shoots the shit out of an alien at point blank range. But then I also curse and face palm when he doesn't hit the bugger at POINT BLANK RANGE!!

So whenever I play the game there are a lot of cheering, mad cackling (I kid you not) and swearing that goes on. All of which can be good fun.

But there are quite a few problems and some of them are rather surprising.

Firaxis dedicated itself to PC gaming with this particular project. And yet, for that statement, the game has come out with a lot of hiccups. One of which is performance lag. When gamers have to start fiddling with files and add/modify things to get the game to work better, there is definitely something wrong somewhere. In my case, while the game still pauses every now and again, I have very little lag problems if I turn my internet off altogether. By that I don't mean to switch Steam to offline mode. No, I mean disconnect my internet connection. I also need to wait until two particular notifications come up informing me about this lack of connection before I know I can load up my save file (or start a new game) and start playing the game relatively bug free. If I don't do that, buttons start disappearing, cut sequences freeze and I have to go to the ol' faithful Task Manager to turn the game off before starting again.

Maybe the fact that I discovered the 'work around' so quickly has made my acceptance of it a lot easier. In the case of other gamers, they don't have that simple ways of 'fixing' the problem.

And honestly, these are problems that are not supposed to be there when you've worked on a game and dedicated it to one platform. Actually, I think we've gotten far too understanding regarding the products we buy. These are things that shouldn't happen and yet we do and go 'oh well'.

So yes. Gamers are raging and with very good reason.

I'm not really going to ramble much more about it. I think Yahtzee nails all the annoying bits and I clearly haven't developed enough writing stamina to truly ramble. I'd say, all in all, the game is engaging me at present. It is a challenge, though one I fail a lot which can get very frustrating. The existence of the problems haven't gotten to me all that much yet, but I hope Firaxis pulls finger pretty darn soon. The longer they wait, the more annoyed people are going to get. That's something they should know by now.