DM Babble: Session zero of my first homebrew. Oh boy.

So in D&D, session zero is where you reveal as much as you can / dare without spoiling the game to your players. It's where boundaries are set, questions are answered, and confidence is earned.

Unless you're me.

Usually, I'm okay with session zeros because I've been running Waterdeep Dragon Heist so many times that I'm not fussed or overwhelmed with fear. But recently I did a session zero for my homebrew campaign - the one I've been rambling about here for a couple of posts. And, I got to tell you, confidence was not earned (or shouldn't have been) as I uhmed, ahed, fidgeted, and paddled my way through a mostly disturbingly quiet session zero. I eventually revealed the world map to the group and continent they'll start in. Which could or could not be considered spoilery, but mostly was my attempt to show that 'Hey, look, I actually did do stuff for this campaign and I'm just having a stressful moment, k?'

I know why I'm freaking out though. 

Quite a few years ago, a misguided friend of mine decided that I should write a murder mystery party thinger and she'd host it. I spent three agonising months on it, pouring what little I knew and could into it. Come the night of the murder mystery dinner party and it flopped spectacularly. Some of the people at the party didn't know it was a home creation and tore it to pieces. I was... distressed for quite a few months afterwards and wasn't keen on sharing any of my creations to anyone (even the things I thought I had more confidence in).

So do I believe that my friends are going to trash my first ever homebrew? No. But I'm still afraid it's going to flop. I'm still worried that they're going to be too polite to suggest someone else run something that's more decent. Are these fears valid? Yes and no. A lot of it is just lack of confidence, I know that. But you know, with the exception of alcohol, I've yet to find confidence bottled and accessible to me at any particular point in time. Also, alcohol makes me sleepy, not confident. So there's that.

In my defense, though, the reason the session was mostly quiet was because I had written a primer to the campaign which I handed the players beforehand. So they were told everything I felt was needed prior to session zero so they could make a character at session zero. But I still worried about everything. Because I do that.

As my luck would have it, my Monday group is also going to be running this homebrew soon and I have another session zero to prepare for. I guess the good thing about this is that I get more practice in paddling like a duck.

Also, I'm a sucker for punishment.