DM-ing Babble: Finishing off a campaign.

It's been a couple of hours now and I think that it's finally started to hit me. I'm done with my Sunday games running Waterdeep Dragon Heist. 

This was the second time I've run that particular campaign (and not the last) but it was the most challenging from a motivational standpoint. One thing I already know about myself and which became painfully apparent is that I'm not terribly flexible as a person and as a DM. I like my law and order, and so the absolute anarchy of the party left me quite stunned more than once. It made me have to pause and process a great deal more. It made me forget story beats and levelling. Because really, who would expect the first reaction to meeting an NPC who has done absolutely nothing up to that point to be "I headbutt her in the face"?

It was difficult. I've learnt that you (mostly) have to make your players the "heroes" of their story. It's their story after all. You have to be rooting for them. The whole idea of being an adversarial DM is anathema to me. But what do you do when the moral fiber of your party is... not so heroic? Not evil. Criminal maybe, but not evil. But when they actively seek to better themselves at the expense of others all the time, it's difficult for me to haul out my pom-poms and cheer them on.

Essentially, my perfect little world was being shattered by men bordering on murder hobos and I didn't have the mental agility to make the leaps with the party. That made the campaign difficult and a lot shorter than it could have been as I focused on nothing but the story material. It just wasn't a game I wanted to run and so my motivation for it dwindled and I didn't actively go out to expand the world beyond the confines of the book. 

I learnt much from this little experiment in DM-ing. As I finish off with this group and wish them well on their future endeavors, I realise that I am very fortunate that I discovered the two gaming groups I comfortably reside in. They're an odd bunch, but they are a quality of players I should truly appreciate. My search for such gaming friends could have been much longer and far more arduous.

I should make a point of telling them how much I appreciate them... 

Gaming Babble: The Last of Us Part 2

I'm not going to spoil the game for you. I just need to note down somewhere some thoughts that had gone through my head as I finished the game. I started playing on Friday morning and, new puppy allowing, played every chance I got to finish a couple of hours into the evening today. It's been a wild, thought-filled ride.

I was fortunate in that I had not been spoilt by the game leaks. I still don't know what was actually revealed. All I saw of the game was the trailers, including the game play trailer. And so I didn't have any negative feelings or expectations that I brought with me, except for the one concern I had - one that in the end wasn't founded.

So what can I say about the game without spoiling it?

The Last of Us Part 2 continues the story of Ellie as she loses herself to vengeance. After an incident of extreme loss, Ellie goes to Seattle to track down those whom she believed wronged her.

The game is very emotionally charged, and poses a number of questions about vengeance and crossing lines without ever having the characters ask them so directly. How far would you go to gain recompense? When is it enough? What is left of you when all you have left is your rage? What separates us from them?

In many ways, the story is pretty brutal and I'll admit that I shed more than one tear throughout. It wasn't as gut wrenching as I was expecting though... but maybe it's because it didn't nearly fuck me up as much as Mass Effect 3 did emotionally. I was sad, I was worried, I was invested, but I wasn't gutted. Which is not a bad thing to say of the game, but gives me a way to measure the intensity of it. There were some things in terms of pacing that initially didn't make sense to me or that I felt I didn't care about at the time of playing, but it became relevant later on in the game. More than anything, this game is a story and how willing you are to hear it from the writers will determine your satisfaction in it, I think.

This seems like a good enough segue into the acting - which was phenomenal. I'm still insanely impressed by what one can do with motion capture and the methods employed in this game to have the actors tell the story. The range of emotions on the faces made me forget that I was looking at something that wasn't real. My mother walked into the room multiple times and, despite some mentions of the extremity of the violence, she was also captivated by the 'realness' of the characters as people. I suppose, as a Critical Role fan, I'm biased when it comes to Ashley Johnson and Laura Bailey, but they really knocked it out of the park. I was incredibly impressed by Laura's performance as she played a character that I would never have imagined her to play physically and vocally. It was disarming. Troy Baker played his role with the same expert skill that I've come to expect from anything he commits himself to.

Gameplay, as expected, is very close to the first game in some ways. There was a sense to me of not fixing something that isn't broken, but they did improve on some aspects as well. Which was great. I played the game on Moderate, with the exception of one particularly nasty infected that spent over an hour ripping my character to pieces until I decided I've seen enough of that cinematic and popped it over to Light. I was challenged. I like stealth games (which is funny because I'm not good at it), so Ellie did a lot of shooting and running for her life as people/critters chased her. The gameplay is solid. Ellie is far more agile than Joel, but she's also a lot smaller. So you have to think about how you're taking on your opponent physically and also how you're going to navigate the world. Not everything within Joel's reach is within Ellie's. So that was interesting.

Bugs: I didn't have the day one patch (I'm nearing the limit of my data cap), so I did have a few bugs, but nothing terrible. I had to restart the programme once due to an error popping up and once I had to kill my character by drowning because the screen went weird. Which was interesting as that was the only time my character drowned while playing and I got to watch the acting instead of freaking out about the lack of breath (I tend to freak out about stuff like that). But those were the worst and probably fixed with the update.

With the passing of time, I think I will probably come back to playing the Last of Us Part 2 again, but not immediately. I think it's going to stick with me for a long time though - as all good, meaningful stories do. I feel the game has left a mark on my soul... I think that's the best compliment I can give it.

Ramble: Life and Subnautica

In the middle of a pandemic, in the middle of social chaos that will hopefully bring some good change, in the middle of everything, I can admit to the world that I'm alive, I'm healthy, if a little fearful at/of everything.

There, that's my update on life.

No, to be honest, things have been okay for me. I'm fortunate that I can work from home virtually unimpeded and am in a position where I don't have to fear for my livelihood. And for that I'm exceedingly grateful. As we step into winter, I have yet to deal with any of the common place colds and flu - which I know is due to the lockdown my country has implemented and not just a stroke of luck, but I'm still grateful that I haven't had to deal with that in the midst of all this insanity.

As an introvert, locked in a house with her mom for company since March, I have to say that only recently have I begun to feel the need to expand my communication lines. And then it's only a slight niggling I get every now and then reminding me that talking to people is actually normal and healthy and thus advised. 

Maybe that's why I'm getting back to blogging... er... don't hold me to that.

So yes, that's life. It still consists of work, video gaming, (virtual) tabletop roleplaying, and just existing. Waiting for something, but I can't tell you what because goodness only knows what it is. Maybe just waiting for the storm to pass.

In this time of confinement, I've been gaming quite a bit - getting back to it in a way I had not realised I had missed until I started playing again. I still have that incurable itch to play something new which got filled for a time with me finally getting my toes wet in Subnautica.

I've had the game in my wish list for years and I had a couple of reasons why I didn't just buy the thing. 

The first was a personal, silly matter. See, I don't like water. I live by the coast and the closest I get to the ocean, if I ever do, is about ankle deep and it's been more than a year since I've even done that. Same with swimming pools. I can swim (not gracefully, but still), but I've never had a call to the water. It's just not my thing.

The other thing I found that made me hesitate was that I was simply afraid the game was going to be too complicated for me. That it, like with Oxygen Not Included, would be the kind of game where I only scratch the surface of understanding and be limited in enjoyment because of it.

But boy, the game still looked darn pretty. So in the middle of the first month of lockdown, I decided to hell with caution, bought it for a song on Steam and loaded it up.

And I was instantly transfixed. The game is gorgeous. Visually, the game was just something to appreciate. I did have to tone down the effects so that my PC could take a breath, but even at lower settings, the game is still a beauty to behold.

So what is the story behind Subnautica? (of course, this is the thing that caught me) Your ship crash lands on an alien planet and you soon learn that rescue is something for other people. You have to get off the planet by yourself. You traverse this mostly aquatic world, searching for wreckage blueprints so you can craft, build and ultimately escape. Unlike games like Don't Starve, there's a definite feeling of having a goal beyond survival. You want to discover and explore and gain knowledge of the world around you, partially out of curiosity but also, more importantly, because you want to leave. Every trip you take is another step towards that goal even as you build a base and set up a temporary residence. 

The game kept me captivated from start to finish, and I was so excited and a little sad when I was ready to leave. But I was also ready to launch into the stars. I loved the sense of accomplishment.

Subnautica does have a dark side. Though it's not something you see in most of the game, the game does have some glitches that had me up in arms. Sometimes you would set out on a journey that would take you fourteen minutes to get to your destination, only to get stuck or have the save go wonky. In my second play through of Subnautica, I found that I had less patience for that. I knew how the game ended so I wasn't going to do a 'rescue' mission to recover lost equipment that would take another thirty minutes of my time.

That said, I've already purchase the sequel, Subnautica Below Zero, and eagerly - dare I say childishly - await its final release date. 

Why I still believe in Nanowrimo after all this time

It's been months since I put words to paper in just about any form save for the evil that is work. The major reason is mental health related and simply not having the energy to do much let alone find a semblance of creativity and work at it until it becomes something more. Most of my usual activities has fallen by the wayside and, while I'd like to think I'm on the road to recovery, I'll admit that the road is quite a bumpy and barren one.

This year has just shot past me. I'm still grappling with the fact that Nanowrimo is around the corner when I was still casually attempting to put together a sheet with planning for my non-existent 'novel' but a few 'days' ago... which turned out was a couple of months ago, but anyhoo. This leaves me with the question of 'Should I do nanowrimo?' this year. Which of course brings the question of 'Why do nanowrimo at all?'.

For those who don't know what Nanowrimo is, it's in essense a competition you have with yourself to write a story/novel from scratch at the beginning of November and to reach a wordcount of 50000 by the end of the month. And while that seems enormous, it's actually quite do-able if you allow yourself the right circumstances. Some people churn out their daily 1667 words first thing in the morning, others break up their writing into ten-minute bursts. Others go to the extreme of cramming in as many words as possible in single sittings (usually over the weekends).

Nanowrimo gives you the opportunity to discover what creative approach works for you. It makes you consider things like: Are you a planner or a spontaneous writer? Do you write by hand or type on pc (or typewriter... yes, there are people out there who use just that). It can make you question a lot of things about yourself at your core as well which I won't go into here. All in all, the whole exercise can be a fascinating discovery of self while pushing towards bringing something to life that had not existed before.

I don't know whether I'm going to participate in Nanowrimo this year or not, but I've realised that I want to. That there's a familiar stir of excitement that only really rears its head around this time of year. Novembers used to be my favourite time of the year, you see. I used to live for the Nanowrimo rush.

And, in realising that I want to participate, I've also realised that I still believe in the spirit of Nanowrimo. Even if my area is mostly dead and people are cliquey. Even if I don't get the 'in person' interaction. That's never been what Nanowrimo was about for me to begin with. It started as an exercise I allowed myself to do on my own with no external input. And while that external input can be glorious, it's ultimately not necessary. It's not what Nanowrimo was about. The big thing, I think, is that it gives us the opportunity to be creative for no real 'reason'. It leaves expectation by the wayside along with the inner critic that you know is going to want to pull what you write to pieces.

And while there's an open, judgement-less space to work in at the beginning, it also gives you something precious in the end: Something you've created. Something that you might be able to work with and shape into a 'purposeful creation' - be it something you can post for others to see, or publish.

You might not realise it but you have an inherent need to bring something of 'meaning' into this world. Nanowrimo gives you the opportunity to have that be a piece of writing. And that can be kinda cool, don't you think?

Update on life

Every time I look at this blog, I think "Man, I should totally post something", but it never happens.

So let me start small. With an update on what's what. But of course, this is more a review blog than a personal blog so it will be done as vaguely as possible.

Boy, not a small feat.

Okay so first one can conclude I'm still alive. This is a good thing, yes? Two, I'm still interested in writing, though rusty as you would not believe. I already have an idea I'm chewing on for Nanowrimo so consider those fifty-thousand words done.Three, I'm still gaming. Currently my games of choice is Anno 1404, Game Dev Tycoon and Red Dead Redemption 2. An odd mix, but there you go. Stardew Valley also makes an appearance every now and again because who doesn't want to spend so much time watering imaginary plants?

I'm also still neck deep into tabletop RPG with our Friday campaign still running after three years. It's always something to look forward to.

So yes, this is an update. Make of it what you will. Hopefully I'll come back to write something more constructive soon.

Mass Effect: Andromeda - a disjointed babble similar to the game itself

Mass Effect: Andromeda.

When it comes to the fourth game of the Mass Effect franchise, my approach was pretty simple: I would wait until the price was low enough for me to buy it without feeling it in my pocket. By my calculation that would be until the price had dropped to what is currently 20 USD. That had been my resolution and I'll admit it faltered with the recent sale on the game. Not quite 20 USD, but close enough that I could justify to myself that I had waited a sufficient time.

I'm still deciding whether it was actually worth the selling price.

There are a couple of reasons to this. EA and Bioware haven't really done much to redeem my poor opinion of them. I like to think I'm a forgiving person, but that is sorely tested when it comes to those two.

Anyway, I'm out of practice when it comes to blog writing, so I'm just going to fall right into it without any grace that I might have used when I still babbled up a storm.

Mass Effect: Andromeda (from now on referred to as ME:A) starts off with a team of colonists from the Milky Way galaxy mozying over to Andromeda. When they shake off their 600-year hibernation, they're shocked to find that the worlds they had designated as habitable don't look so nice anymore. You are Rider, son/daughter of the main man who is supposed to lead the colonisation. After some bumbling about, daddy steps aside and you become the Pathfinder instead of the second-in-command who spent years preparing for this venture.

Sound a little holey in logic, right? But there you go, your character needs to become the game changer and so that's how it goes.

There are may little holes like this in the game's logic that has me studying ME:A like one would a specimen rather than diving into it as a fun game. I'm not very far into the story, so I can't really comment on the game as a whole, but your willing suspension of disbelief needs to be wide not to get distracted by things that don't add up. Unfortunately, this includes things such as blurry graphics and what on earth did they do to omnitools?

But I digress. As I've said, the habitable worlds suddenly don't look as habitable any more and its up to you to 'fix it, Felix'. This has you jetting off to different worlds, working ancient things and making big decisions such as deciding on what kind of colonies to establish when you finally sorted out the habitation problem.

The more I've played ME:A, the more conflicted I've felt. On the one hand, it makes me very angry. I can see the potential of this game and the creators have been very sloppy. Which is sad and annoying. There's a strong ideal that plays out - the desire for a home. It's there and yet you're constantly bombarded with design choices that distract you from that main thrust. Parts of this game looks beautiful. Parts look like an unintended train smash.

Combat seems to have taken a step backwards from ME3 and feels almost as clunky as ME1 at times. Roleplay also feels degraded somewhat with dialogue choices that are both limited and just... Well, let me give you an example to explain.

There's a science officer on board your ship who believes in God. She comes out and says it right smack in the first conversation you ever had with her. Now, that's fine. Random, but fine. Here's the kicker though, your limited to respond to her stance in one of two ways: 1. I agree with you. 2. There is no god.

... Where's the third option of smoothy skirting past the comment? How about a Rider who doesn't believe that isn't a jackass? Or one who does believe, but might choose to keep it to herself? Oh and by the look of things, the believer is a potential romance partner. There's a dialogue option to flirt like one had in Dragon Age Inquisition with some characters.

I can't help but feel that the creators of ME:A didn't really know what they were doing which after the fourth game shouldn't really be a point of discussion. I didn't really have my hopes all that high and I'm surprised by my own disappointment. I suppose that deep down I still wanted them to capture me. To surprise me. To be good at what they had been in ME1 and ME2. And maybe now that the disappointment has settled in, I can just play the game and see what creature it does end up becoming. I think I will still get my money's worth out of it and maybe it will make me sit back and go 'not bad' in the end. At the moment though, it still has me scratching my head and asking 'but why?' more than usual.

Nanowrimo 2017

One more day...

Let's hope I manage to pull together more words daily than I will in this post.

Status update

I'm still alive!

I think that's the most pertinent thing to note about my status. I am still breathing, I still have access to the computer, I'm still gaming, reading (though not as much as I should), and generally doing things that keeps my head above water.

I need to post something more substantial. I want to. It'll happen when I have more time and when my mind focuses on more than the basic living necessities and stops wanting to attack other people's shadows (long story).

Till then, deep breath!

RPG - Considering the follow through

“Dare to stand before those you fear and speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” - Maggie Kuhn

I stumbled over this quote today and it's made me want to read some of this woman's writing. It's challenged me a bit. We all enjoy the "yeah! rawh! rawh!" feeling of support when one reads such encouragement... until you're the one whose voice shakes. You realise then that you didn't have an inkling of what that person had even meant up until that point.

I'm sort of there today. I need to share my thoughts on something that has me very upset and it can be read as direct critique on someone else's innocent creativity. And a critique on the response of others on the day that creative work was released. It can seem like a personal attacks against friends. So it's a bit of a minefield topic. For me at least. I'm a very 'do onto others as you would want done onto you' kind of person.

But here's the thing, the topic of this post is not all that uncommon... and that's the problem.

Confused the crap out of you? Let me paint the scenario as best as I can.

You have a one-shot role playing session, which means the K.I.S.S. principle is active. You page through your book of monsters. Find one. A succubus. It's perfect. Challenging, but this is going to be great. A quick story needs to be assembled: A group of men from a rural village choose to explore an old, abandoned mansion of a creepy magic dude. They encounter a succubus, who takes possession of them in some way, getting them to feed it their children. The monster also enhances their sexual cravings, which is how the adventurers who stumble onto this child-/youth-less village find themselves disturbed/intrigued enough to investigate, and end up facing off with it in the abandoned mansion.

Right. K.I.S.S. principle sorted. 

It's sounds terribly innocent, right? Well, look, it is disturbing but you're dealing with a succubi - sex and such will be in there. But there's no underlying tone of anything. Simple one shot.

That wasn't the case for me. Maybe it's me being female and me being over sensitive - I fully own and accept that I'm both - but I'm going to share the story from my perspective (which is part of the wonders of RPGs: It really is your own adventure). Bear in mind that my 'story' is from the perspective of someone who doesn't know what the big bad is. I'm going to repeat it multiple times, because I had to remind myself that as well while writing. It was so easy to go "ag, you know what this is about" when my past self really didn't. And this post is more about her experience than mine.

Our adventurers consisting of two male and female characters (not players which were three and one of the respective genders) arrive at the village deciding to overnight before continuing their journey. Upon entrance, they notice women who are going about their chores. Oddly there aren't any kids around and the women seem disturbed to see the group. The adventurers enter the inn and the innkeeper invites us to a special annual banquet that happens to be that evening. They agree, sit and drink for a bit. All the patrons in the establishment are male.

At this point I'm still okay. It's most likely a misogynistic patriarchal society. My thoughts were "Ugh, bastards. Throw a rock and you'll hit one (or an entire village) of them."

Two of the adventurers spend time drinking and playing card games in the inn (of which I was one). The other two leave the inn to find out more about the town, to talk to the women, and to see where the kids are. They are met with fear and the local women end up saying just enough to be creepy before ducking and diving away from the pair.

Now here is where my antenna started pinging. Personally, I am terribly, terribly sensitive towards fear in women. And I'm not talking 'eek a spider!' kind of fear. I'm talking about that soul-chilling fear that often, not always, but often, surround emotional and physical abuse from the opposite gender. And I don't deal with that very well.

So at this point, I'm not okay anymore. Because I, as a player, don't know the plot. I am hearing that children are hidden or missing, and women are scared, perhaps terrified; all of which was prefixed by the image of a male-centred society.

The two return to the inn where one composes a note which read 'if you are in trouble, we can help' (or something like that). This was given to a woman by one of the female adventurers (yours truly). Time passes. The banquet begins. The men are having the time of their lives. The women aren't as lively. One of the women approaches the female adventurer who had passed on the note (me), hugs her and slips a note in her pocket. The note says that there is trouble and that they'll speak in the evening (I think. Something like that). The woman is trembling with fear.

The men of the village come onto the female adventurers rather strongly and can't seem to take a hint - not even one in the shape of a 7ft orc friend. The men become more "frisky" (the term that was used). One of the female adventurers - an elderly lady - falls asleep and a young lad seems intent on taking advantage of this situation. He gets thrown around by the orc. None of the villagers reacts to this, more intent on their own debauchery. The evening's merriment eventually peters down into the silence of a drunken ending.

Male-centred society. Scared women. 'Frisky' men. So in my mind I'm confirming the abuse and rape of these women, and possible murder of their children. I am no longer an adventurer in this story. I'm a woman listening to this concept being thrown around without people putting pieces together. I'm someone who is getting increasingly upset wondering how I can get out of the room, or how would be the quickest way to make an end of this?

In the evening, the adventurers go to their respective rooms. The women's rooms are not adjacent to the men's....

My thoughts at hearing this: "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! NO! YOU'RE NOT FUCKING DOING THIS TO ME! NOT IN A FUCKING GAME!"

"You hear a knock at your door." 

I can't put into words what I was feeling at this point.

"The woman who gave you the note comes in. She checks the corridor but no one seems to have seen her." 

I am still not a happy camper.

The woman reveals herself to be the chieftain's wife. She bids the adventurer to meet her the following morning when the men are still sleeping off their celebration. There is something wrong with them. They hadn't been this way before. Near the end of the conversation, the door opens. The chieftain's wife tells the adventurer to play along and kisses her - the townsman thus catching them occupied. The chieftain's wife turns to the man, "Fuck off. You can have me later." The man leaves.

...Right... So now it's so common among the men that women have to sleep with them regardless of their station and regardless of whether they want to.

Rape anyone?

My inner self isn't doing very well at this point. And it is here where I really have a tough time. Because this discomfort is misinterpreted as the idea of a woman kissing my character. And that really, really isn't the problem. I am stunned that no one seems to understand why I'm taking this as bad as I am. The word homophobia even gets thrown around which is even more insulting and embarrassing seeing as one of the other players is gay. I hear I must just get over this sex phobia of mine. (And that line is probably going to stay with me forever.)

The next morning.... blah, blah, blah... hears about mansion, should go there, blah. Go over. Fight zombies. Fight skeletons. Explore the house. Reach a door. A woman whimpers on the other side.

>.< 

From here on out, I'm playing with my dice, wincing at every description.

The adventurers enter a master bedroom. *wince* There's a woman tied to one of the bedposts. *wince* 

Another woman is holding a knife to her throat. The aggressor looks like the chieftain's daughter based on a portrait.

At this point, I decide to get it over with. 

While the other adventurers debate on what questions to ask, one of the adventurers (me) opens fire on the aggressor - who dies with the one gunshot. The bound woman begs and pleads to be released.

More begging, more pleading, more whimpering, but I don't trust the story. It's too simple. 

The adventurer studies the bound woman and senses that she isn't a victim but most likely the ultimate big bad. Again the other adventurers try to find out more information. Again the female adventurer turns to violence, pouring gun powder over the 'woman' and setting 'her' on fire.

Unfortunately, in this game succubi (which we only have revealed at this point) are immune to fire damage.

"Roll for initiative."

*sits and tries to think how to end this off*

I'm not going to elaborate further. 

Dear, Reader. If you...

1. have read the encounter above and don't get it:
All I can say to you is, don't expect someone to 'get over' a situation like what has been presented up above. Instead... be kind. And if you can't understand, don't be an ass about it. Yes, it's a medieval setting in a medieval fantasy game there would be events like this. It's life. But most people don't want to face life when they sit by that table. Just... consider the follow through should you get into a situation like it.

2. understand and disagree or think that I responded too badly to it:
Yes, this is something I'm insanely sensitive about. But no. I'm never going to 'get over' stuff like it and will never forgive myself if I get to a point where I do.

3. you understand and agree... glad to know it's not just me. I don't think "we" have the moral high ground or something stupid like that. It's just really nice to know I'm not the only one who would have been freaking out.



NB. NB. NB: This was a random instance. It's a zero consistent reflection on my rpg gaming experience. But it was a tough one. And *shrugs* I had to get it out of my system, and chocolates and rusks binging didn't work.

Starting up a female rpg group. And out of the woodwork...

In falling into this world of DnD, I realised that it too is a bit of a challenge for the geekiness that is lacking in my city. More the lack of female geekiness and those around my age. I'm fortunate that the group of males I play with, while throwing some comments here and there, are all of the non basement-dwelling variety, but such dwellers still seem prevalent. And then there are the bro neanderthals...

Or maybe that's the impression I have and with that impression comes the problem - and the surprise.

Here and there, I've tried to assemble RPG groups. Most of them die in infancy - either because people are too busy or didn't realise that it can take some commitment (read 'work') from people to start off. And, as a DM, you might all but drag that horse to water, but getting it to drink...

So I haven't had all that much success and the group of guys I usually play with also have very hectic work demands... and then they have lives and wives/girlfriends.

Which made me think of those wives and girlfriends. Well, not specific ones, but women in general. I haven't seen invitations for women before, even in the groups I tried to form. But then again, there is the time and commitment thing. But still...

So I approached some women to join a group and two things made them agree. 1. It's a very small group (the two of them and my mom). 2. Because I'm the one running it. The second isn't because I know the game well, or that they've seen me 'lead' and 'organise' anything (I'm usually the one looking for excuses not to go anywhere). It's simply because they know it's a safe zone. No pressure, no judgement, no problem.

But I also didn't know whether it would die off either. And I'm really hungry for playing. Thus, on a whim, I sent out a message on Facebook. I explained that I want to assemble an all-female group of newbie players to play dungeons and dragons. In my world, dnd is still pretty much the devil. So that in itself was a risk. In the post I wrote briefly about what rpg is and what dnd is (four sentences tops) and left it at that.

When it comes to Facebook, I don't really share my life. I post a whole bunch of links to geeky articles, news articles (local drama), deviantart, and other random stuff. I figured that my invitation would be a call that could disappear pretty quickly if it went unanswered.

Only it didn't.

Within minutes I got the first reply, then a second, then a third. A couple of days later one of the three pulled in two other women. Then there are two others that are rumoured to be curious but cautious. How do I know about those two? Through the impromptu grapevine I had suddenly unleashed.

Consider me absolutely gobsmacked. How? Why? How? Wait, what?!

Interestingly enough, the women who stepped in are a spread from different backgrounds, ages ranging from late twenties to late fifties. I mostly used Lord of the Rings references in our first session to explain things and wasn't always sure whether they knew who Gimli was... And yet they were there, not knowing what they were letting themselves in for. They blindly but excitedly stepped into geek/nerd central without hesitation.

Riddle me that.

So why did it take one female calling out for a female group for these women to appear? I bet were there a mixed gender group, or a guy making the call, these ladies might not have stepped up. I know that I wouldn't have stepped up either. Or only if I was feeling super, duper brave and I would have hated myself later. The only way I got into this world was when the dude who ended up being my dm took the first step and introduced himself... and didn't act like an ass.

That this hesitancy is the case for all of us is both sad and mind boggling. It makes me wonder whether they too aren't looking at the pro-"bro culture" society hands out like sweets and expect that they'll find that everywhere. Maybe they too, like me, would rather wait for the testosterone train to charge by before trying to find whatever is left.

Whatever the case, word is spreading and I'm both very baffled and curious to see what's going to happen. Maybe it'll die out, or maybe my city isn't as empty as I thought...