Sunday, October 2, 2016

Starting up a female rpg group. And out of the woodwork...

In falling into this world of DnD, I realised that it too is a bit of a challenge for the geekiness that is lacking in my city. More the lack of female geekiness and those around my age. I'm fortunate that the group of males I play with, while throwing some comments here and there, are all of the non basement-dwelling variety, but such dwellers still seem prevalent. And then there are the bro neanderthals...

Or maybe that's the impression I have and with that impression comes the problem - and the surprise.

Here and there, I've tried to assemble RPG groups. Most of them die in infancy - either because people are too busy or didn't realise that it can take some commitment (read 'work') from people to start off. And, as a DM, you might all but drag that horse to water, but getting it to drink...

So I haven't had all that much success and the group of guys I usually play with also have very hectic work demands... and then they have lives and wives/girlfriends.

Which made me think of those wives and girlfriends. Well, not specific ones, but women in general. I haven't seen invitations for women before, even in the groups I tried to form. But then again, there is the time and commitment thing. But still...

So I approached some women to join a group and two things made them agree. 1. It's a very small group (the two of them and my mom). 2. Because I'm the one running it. The second isn't because I know the game well, or that they've seen me 'lead' and 'organise' anything (I'm usually the one looking for excuses not to go anywhere). It's simply because they know it's a safe zone. No pressure, no judgement, no problem.

But I also didn't know whether it would die off either. And I'm really hungry for playing. Thus, on a whim, I sent out a message on Facebook. I explained that I want to assemble an all-female group of newbie players to play dungeons and dragons. In my world, dnd is still pretty much the devil. So that in itself was a risk. In the post I wrote briefly about what rpg is and what dnd is (four sentences tops) and left it at that.

When it comes to Facebook, I don't really share my life. I post a whole bunch of links to geeky articles, news articles (local drama), deviantart, and other random stuff. I figured that my invitation would be a call that could disappear pretty quickly if it went unanswered.

Only it didn't.

Within minutes I got the first reply, then a second, then a third. A couple of days later one of the three pulled in two other women. Then there are two others that are rumoured to be curious but cautious. How do I know about those two? Through the impromptu grapevine I had suddenly unleashed.

Consider me absolutely gobsmacked. How? Why? How? Wait, what?!

Interestingly enough, the women who stepped in are a spread from different backgrounds, ages ranging from late twenties to late fifties. I mostly used Lord of the Rings references in our first session to explain things and wasn't always sure whether they knew who Gimli was... And yet they were there, not knowing what they were letting themselves in for. They blindly but excitedly stepped into geek/nerd central without hesitation.

Riddle me that.

So why did it take one female calling out for a female group for these women to appear? I bet were there a mixed gender group, or a guy making the call, these ladies might not have stepped up. I know that I wouldn't have stepped up either. Or only if I was feeling super, duper brave and I would have hated myself later. The only way I got into this world was when the dude who ended up being my dm took the first step and introduced himself... and didn't act like an ass.

That this hesitancy is the case for all of us is both sad and mind boggling. It makes me wonder whether they too aren't looking at the pro-"bro culture" society hands out like sweets and expect that they'll find that everywhere. Maybe they too, like me, would rather wait for the testosterone train to charge by before trying to find whatever is left.

Whatever the case, word is spreading and I'm both very baffled and curious to see what's going to happen. Maybe it'll die out, or maybe my city isn't as empty as I thought...

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