So let's start with:
Update: I'm alive!
Not much happening on the life front. I'm still trying to save up for a big trip next year. Still waiting for answers on said trip. Still getting ever nervous as the days fly by and the deadline for buying my tickets nears (still months away but that's not going to stop me from panicking).
To escape the continuous waves of panic that the above inflicts upon me, I dive deep into the depths of procrastination (via computer gaming) or escape (via D&D). It's been about 9 months since I rambled about my homebrew, so I figured I could do that today.
First thing: There are now multiple groups romping through my world.
Okay this isn't a new thing. We had the South African group (which is still going strong after 31 sessions!), then we had the British group (square peg, round hole lasting only like 10 sessions, if that? I can't remember), and now I have a multi-national group that I've just finished session zero with. The latter will be gathering only once a month, but I'm hopeful it's going to go well and will be memorable enough that the gap in between games will not be too distracting. I also think I have also selected the group well enough that there won't be any issues and we're introducing a few new things that I'm excited about - not new to the story, but new to the gaming dynamic. One is basically a mechanism to allow ongoing feedback for everybody and the other is a mechanism to bring roleplay forward on matters that won't necessarily be tackled in game.
So that's rather cool.
Second thing: I'm a horrible DM.
Well, debatable. But I took about eight months before levelling up the South Africans to level eight. This was due to a mixture of reasons: We hadn't gathered more frequently, they were taking their time through my world (can't complain about that), and so were not really hitting any big milestones.
With that said, I'm happy with the progress they're making. There's a self-motivated engine that's running the show and it's not coming from me as powerfully as from them. They want their characters to achieve things and they want to know what's going to happen next. Which is nice. It makes me happy.
Third thing: I'm still stressed and anxious.
I struggle a lot with perfectionism and performance anxiety. (well, actually all kinds of anxiety, but this one is relevant for this situation :P)
I don't know if I'll ever shake the trepidation that dogs me when it comes to running a self-made game especially, but so far I've been having good days and bad days. Bad days involved medication and a power nap which makes me feel awesome... so I guess they're not terrible days. Good days involves me sitting in disbelief thinking "how on earth did we end up here?"
So even though I'm stressed and anxious about stuff, I'm pretty grateful too. I'm happy with what's going on with this group and happy to have them.
