The quest of Lord of the Rings...

Road to Gondor by Breathing2004

Were you to talk to me about the Lord of the Rings, you will find me either an admirer or someone who is really disinterested in the subject. It would all depend on one thing:

Are we talking about the movies or the books?

While I realise the depth and scope and brilliance that is the creation of JRR Tolkien's Middle-Earth, I have yet to read the trilogy or the Hobbit or any of it. In my life I've attempted reading The Fellowship of the Ring between five and seven times, succeeding only once. Exhausted, I left it there, not even trying to pick up The Two Towers. With some art - especially in poetry and abstract paintings - you really have to work to absorb all it has to offer. With the Fellowship, I felt like I had just finished a marathon crawling over the finish line while carrying a ton of bricks on my back - just to be crushed by the load in the end.

That's the least satisfying way to finish a book.

When I attempt to describe my feelings of trying to read Tolkien's writing to my fellow countrymen, I simply say that I can totally see that he spent his first three years of his life in Bloemfontein. Everyone seems to understand that (except those who were born in Bloemfontein. They don't appreciate that at all haha).

I know I'm straying very close to literary blasphemy here and I'll be the first to tell you that what the man had done and what ground he had broken for the fantasy writers that came after him is nothing short of amazing. But despite the disbelief of others who had read through the books a bazillion times, I just have never been able to get past book one. And part of me has never really felt the compulsion to do so. However, how can you even claim to enjoy fantasy if you haven't read LoTR? Okay, that's a bit of an over-exaggeration but you get the idea. It is a shock to claim one thing and deny the other. Especially if that other is JRR Tolkien.

So a couple of years ago, I gave myself a goal, a deadline. By a particular year, I should have read through the trilogy at least once. The years passed and still I have not managed to make my goal and now that deadline is sixteen months away. I'm so screwed, haha. Or I will be if I don't take any action now. And so I am. And so, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to go back to the epic journey that had me wanting to slit my wrists before and come hell or high water, I'll get through those books one way or another.

The one way I'm attempting it is by listening to an audio reading. I've stuck it into my car stereo and that's what I'll be listening to until the books are done. If anything, I'll be so desperate to listen to something else that I'll force myself to sit through it. So far I've spent one day in my commute to and from work listening to the disc. I wish I could say that it went well. It didn't. I was bored out of my skull, quite ready to climb out of my car while driving to escape the tedium.

So what is it that gets to me? What is it that makes me want to gnaw at my wrists?

Well the problem I have is that Tolkien is a really expert world builder who is completely infatuated with his world. Which means that the journey through the first book is one massive detour throughout. And to be honest? I don't care. If you haven't made me care about what is going on, I could be less concerned about the world in which it takes place. I don't care about whose feet are hairier, who figured out how to stick stuff in a pipe and smoke it. I don't care how many times a hobbit eats in a day. You've already bored me to tears and you haven't even gotten to the first line of dialogue. And when we finally get there, it's just as much of a schlep to get through.

Yes, I've signed my confession, haul me off to the gallows. Tolkien might be amazing, but he's amazingly boring. Not that he meant to capture me. His writing of the Hobbit and LoTR, from what I understand, was for his own pleasure. An external audience had never been his priority, it was his place to explore and stuff whoever else may read it. And again, I admire him for it. It is a rich world, multi-layered and well-defined. I just haven't even been able to go through his basking without stifling a yawn.

Alright, so ...

Action 1) Audio book in car where I can't escape and where I can't listen to anything else until the evil series is over.

Action 2) Random updates here. Nothing works as good on me as guilt. Stuff positive affirmation, if you want me to do something, guilt me into it. You'll get twice the reward with half the effort. And the best way to make me feel guilty is to hold me accountable. So I'll be throwing in random posts commenting on what I've heard that I might have found interesting (Please let there be something. Please) and maybe a rant or two here and there. Who knows? I don't.

Action 3) ... I don't know yet. Anyone who can think of any ideas, chuck 'em my way. Goodness knows I need it.

It is a place that has enchanted so many. It has inspired so many. It has become the ultimate fantasy measuring stick. And I can see why. I just hope at some point I can do more than just appreciate it from a distance. Otherwise, this is going to be an awful time to be in my car...