2022 in retrospect

...

I find myself a little conflicted.

I don't know about you, but the last day of a year always has me very reflective and I can't decide where on the scale between fabulous and god-awful 2022 lands.

It was a year of firsts.

• First time streaming.
• First time running a dnd game at a gaming convention for strangers.
• First time a judge told me to go sit outside in the corridor like a schoolchild. 

A lot of good things happened during the year. My best friend got an amazing, life-altering new job. I committed myself financially to visiting Canada in 2024. I feel more confident in myself. Made a new friend who has already impacted on me quite a bit. (No relationships, of course. Still allergic.).

But my anxiety has never been as bad as it has been this year.

So, as 2022 leaves my periphery in six hours, I suppose the best I can do is to focus on the new year, taking the best of this year and just kicking the rest on its ass.

2023 will have some nice things lined up. I will be streaming more, hopefully. I'll have better internet, hopefully. More D&D shall be played, hopefully... 

And I'll be playing some more Grounded, DEFINITELY!

Babble: Twitch - WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

 I honestly don't know. That's the truth. I've sat and tried to figure out my own motivations and I can say that I don't know.

Whatever the reason, I've begun streaming on Twitch. And by begun I mean "did a single solo stream".

For now.

I think my intentions were/are fairly pure. I'm currently enjoying my holidays and thought that I should play some Ironsworn since I'm usually too tired to play. But what usually gets me is the fact that I don't have anyone to bounce ideas off of. As I've said in a previous post, Ironsworn can be played solo, co-op, or guided. While I'm still fairly new at the game (and solo gaming in general), I find that playing in isolation ends up with me staring blankly at an equally blank piece of paper.

So what if I could do a couple of things in one go?

• Showcase Ironsworn - which is a pretty cool game all by itself. (And whose pdfs are free btw)
• Play the game (mostly) solo
• Grab as many ideas off of those who decided to take the time to watch me fumble, stumble, and mostly wildly twitch on camera. Stupid anxiety.

I'm by no means a "Me, Myself and Die!" or "The Bad Spot". I also don't see myself aspiring to do what they do. There are many years of solo gaming, improv, and in-depth knowledge of the system behind what these gents do. 

So what am I aspiring to do?

I think just play a little Ironsworn. It's going to be a lot of fumbling about trying to navigate the rules and whatnot, but the only way I'm going to learn is through practice.

There are some obstacles in my way. Besides my own internal lacks (that I can work on, at least), my internet isn't very good. I'm still waiting for them to activate the fibre in my neighbourhood that they've almost finished installing. That's hands down my largest obstacle. I'm still going to try to stream regardless. Why? Because I am inspired to do so now. I might forget everything I've been thinking about (and spent over two hours making notes about) if I wait for better days.

I'm not trying to be professional. I'm just me. Hopefully that'll be enough.