Me, tabletop roleplaying, and D&D - A(n almost) ten-year journey

This year marks a couple of memorable milestones for me. I was an '84 baby, so that means 40 is knock, knock, knocking on my door. It's been ten years since my gran passed away, someone who was very much the angel on my shoulder. And it's also been ten years since I got pulled into the tabletop roleplaying scene - specifically with the drug that is Dungeons & Dragons.

Back in 2014, we were still stumbling through the new basic rules of D&D 5e (or D&D Next as it was known at the time). My first game was a oneshot in which was an almost TPK - prevented only because I turned around after my peeps dropped and ran screaming into the woods. While their gold-covered skeletons shambled through the corrupted temple in the end, I found myself very much hooked to the game and the encounter still remains one of the fond memories I keep in my memory bag of holding.

Pugmire

Through the ten years, I played in many adventures and campaigns. Official ones like Hoard of the
Dragon Queen and Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, and homebrewed creations that opened up the possibility for me to create my own story when I finally took to DMing myself. My first forays into being a DM (or GM when not running D&D) was cautious affairs full of planning and anxiety. 

In that time, I introduced my group to Pugmire - a D&D-esque game full of elevated and enlightened dogs and cats trying to find sense in a medieval-type world. I also stumbled over Fantasy AGE - which is also a really fun system - and brought that to the gaming table. There were a couple of failed attempts at Masks: A New Generation but that was mostly because I couldn't figure out how it worked... I still love the game but I haven't figured it out....

Then the pandemic hit and my gaming increased massively as online and work-from-home made connection in a disconnected world more possible and the introvert in me thrived despite the raging anxiety that the whole situation brought. I actually started playing too much, had too many connections and had to tone down my gaming to keep a balanced lifestyle (and an okayish sleep cycle).

The ten years were marked with some very low moments, but what I can say without a shadow of a doubt is that TTRPGs can be amazing for mental health provided you find the right group of people. I started with a 'right group' and accumulated more peeps as the years went on, which means that the impact it has had on my emotional wellbeing has been enormous. 

Me telling the peeps what's what at Game Over Cyberfest 

We have little over a month until my birthday. I have special things planned on the day and will probably celebrate the weekend by playing an enormous amount of D&D. It seems fitting...

Feedback on Game Over Gaming Cyberfestival March 2024 - D&D!

My experience of my trip to Game Over Gaming is always memorable. This time was no different!

Two years ago, I went for the first time and, despite nursing a migraine borne out of the depths of hell, the weekend had gone really well. This year the migraine wasn't physical, but I had a persistent pain in the butt due to car issues towards, throughout, and from Glentana. At least we got there safe and the issues were resolved soon after returning home. No long-lasting damage or anything. 

As for the actual convention, it was a little bigger than last time with definite potential for growth. I didn't take a lot of pictures (because I'm a dummy), but it consisted of a hall where the pc- and console-gaming happened, then an external room with stalls for comic-art, peripherals and other stuffs, and finally an outside tent for board gaming and hanging around.

There was a side room which is actually a kitchen / tuck shop that we used for our D&D games. Some people might frown at this setting, but I actually loved it. There are three places that are classic D&D spaces: The basement, the dining room, and the kitchen table. So being able to capture one of those spaces for the game was great.

I had a group of five players that I did a modified Out of the Abyss - Velkynvelve with. Four of them were newbies with one veteran... they all survived and managed to set everything on fire. In hindsight, having one of them be a dragonborn wasn't necessarily a good idea, but all-in-all I loved everything about the session. 

Especially the part that I didn't know the convention hall was watching... I knew it was being streamed on a twitch channel, but I didn't know the next room could see everything. Ignorance = bliss!!!

My anxiety did mean that I had to hide my hands because they were trembling, but at the same time, I tend to talk with my hands, thus it was a constant battle. But that's a normal thing for me. I'm still nervous even when I've done something a million times before.

But yes, it was fun. I slept very little, didn't eat enough, worried a lot about the car and things, but ultimately had a blast.

TTRPG Babble: New homebrew start-up and future possible joys

 This coming Saturday, I will be introducing more players to my homebrew world. I'm very excited at the prospect of doing so. 

When I crafted the idea of this homebrew, I wanted to create a world that experienced players could traverse without fear of their existing knowledge. So, instead of having them act dumb whenever they see a creature they've encountered a million times before and know the weaknesses of, I made their characters experienced warriors who've seen all of it before and knew how to respond - no distancing required. 

The second aspect I wanted to incorporate in the homebrew was the idea of character backstory being relevant in some way to the game. There are a number of players who want to have a solid backstory without knowing what the game is fully about. They craft all these amazing things that their character has supposedly already achieved and then, when they play, are forced into a far more insignificant role because a character at their level simply couldn't achieve slaying a dragon on by their onesy regardless of what their backstory says. With my homebrew's approach, they could very well have done all the amazing things the backstory states. In fact, it is encouraged to be as elaborate and grandiose as possible.

I don't know if my incorporating of these two aspects into my game is all that unique, but I'm very happy with it. And I do think that one day I'd like to assemble this campaign into a book form. Not because it's absolutely amazing, but because I believe it gives the starting points where anyone can build something amazing from it.

But I digress. 

So I have a new campaign coming up and I'm absolutely delighted by the initiative this group has taken in crafting round characters. They've even given me ammunition to make their characters' lives miserable! My discord server's channels are filled with conversations and questions posed at each other about characters and story. They've even gone as far as writing snippets of fiction to better define and introduce their characters and the world to each other. It's been fantastic.

Naturally, it does mean that I'm nervous about the game, but I've realised that my excitement manifests as anxiety, so the more anxious I am, then in truth, the more excited I am. 

I'm very excited.

In keeping with my commitment to not overextend myself, this campaign is only going to play out once a month. There are some challenges connected with that - people forget and you spend more time in a session talking about what happened in the previous ones - but at the same time, there is also an understanding among the group that everyone is busy and we should make do with what we can.

But, speaking of excitement. I have been surprised by an offer to play Ironsworn Starforged co-op with a friend. It came out of the blue and I'm genuinely thrilled. To make it more interesting, the plan is to stream it on her channel. It makes more sense to do it on hers seeing as we'll be playing at times where the peeps who usually watch my stream are sleeping like normal people. Also, her videos stay up longer. So that's also a win. 

This will hopefully start up in April. I'll probably babble about it more here once I have more specifics.

TTRPG Babble: How do we cultivate more game masters?

 This is going to be a pointless ramble, because I don't actually have an answer to the question. If anything, I'm rather ardently looking for it. The TLDR (too long didn't read) version of this is simply the following:

• The problem: There aren't enough people willing to step into the shoes of Game Masters to run games.
• Which creates the problem: There's no way to facilitate growth of people playing TTRPGs.
• Conclusion: Stagnation/Shriveling and general disappointment.

The longer babble:

As far as I know, there aren't any conclusive answers as to what the ratio is of GMs versus Players in the hobby. Even with D&D, it's hard to say. It is played internationally by thousands of people, sure, and for that to happen there has to be GMs running the games. But there also isn't any information on how many people are waiting to play that lack the opportunity because there isn't any facilitation of the game.

Now there are some old grognards that would say "It doesn't matter if you're new. Just GM for your friends. Read the book. It's not that difficult..." but those who learnt to GM this way are few and, in my opinion, the minority of game masters out there.

I've been playing the game for nearly ten years and started running my own games somewhere around three or four years after I started playing. The group I was in (and still play with) naturally encourages and cultivates the desire to run games for others. There is no one game master. Everyone has the chance to run. Everyone has a pet project that they would like to run and we take turns as life and busy schedules allow. It is an unpressured environment that naturally sparks curiosity and a sense of 'what if I tried?'

In the past two weeks, I've become aware of how... I don't want to say desperate... but how much people are itching to play. In the posts I see on Reddit, Discord, Facebook, etc. often involve people asking to play and other people also adding their voices to the post, wishing for the same thing: to be part of a game. 

This has bothered me quite a bit. 

I used to describe myself as someone with ultimately two passions: 1. to learn, and 2. to share what I've learnt. Because of these inherent desires, these needs required basically to function, I have to sit on my hands to keep myself from tossing my hat in the ring. To help DM multiple groups. To introduce people to this hobby that I love so much. But I can't... because I don't have the capacity to do so. I've only just started not getting burnt out from doing too much and so my ability to actually jump in and be helpful has been hobbled.

But even if I had the capacity, would that really help the problem? Because one more DM is not going to change the tide, is it? You almost need the same thing I had - where you not only learnt to play but learnt to run the game.

I guess it's the girl with the starfish story though, right? You can't save them all but you can make the world of difference to the ones you throw in the sea.

As I said above, I don't really have answers. It's just bothering me enough to write about it. I don't quite know what can be done. At the same time, I know I want to be part of the solution... without going into burnout.

Ironsworn Starforged: Yet another tale of loss, horrible dice rolls and death!

 

My tale begins in August 2023, when I received the printed copies of Ironsworn Starforged from my brother. We went to Plettenberg Bay for a couple of days and I started immediately to play the game.

Those who know Ironsworn games would know by playing I kinda mean prepping. But as Shawn Tomkin says "Prep is play". It took me a couple of hours to write out the 'Truths' of the galaxy I was going to have my character run around in and came up with a fairly interesting idea. The people had fled their former galaxy because of an AI war that broke out. But later in the truths it came out that AI were still something that some people had. So I imagined that the Ironsworn I was going to play would have strong feeling about AI and the cultivation of AI in the galaxy they were in now. She would probably do her level best to destroy any AI she could find.

There were a couple of other things I thought would be rather interesting to try out. I've always played close-combat, bashy-bashy characters, but in this world which takes inspirations from Battlestar Galactica and Firefly, there is a more gunslinger type feel. so I decided to make her a gunslinger and also an explorer - someone curious about this galaxy that they were still trying to figure out three-hundred years after arrival.

Because this game allows for improvements of assets (but not of stats), I sorta noted down some other things that she'd be interested in doing or things that could happen to her. Of course, the quest to destroy AI would be on the top of the list. She had lost her family, maybe finding a relative would be a nice thing to have her stumble over. 

I began my 'actual play' in December when work had calmed down to a crawl and life had decided to stop kicking me in the teeth. It was very slow going.

My character's first mission was to retrieve a data drive from a bandit camp. This drive would contain information on the transportation of an AI by ship to somewhere to be determined. I wanted to be cautious and play it safe, to not kill off my character in the first thing she tries to do. So I didn't make the firefights that ensued too difficult. She did get hit and such, but she didn't die and she got the drive and took it to the person who had initially wanted it. Their relationship was complicated. This helper wanted to sell the information on the drive, but kept her word and allowed my character to access the info first, not knowing that the latter's intention was to destroy the AI.

From the drive, they learnt that the AI was on it's way to Rhiannon and so the race from Argosy to Rhiannon began.

My character had a choice. She could either fly through the known routes to Welkin via Elysium and then cut to the unknown Rhiannon or go straight into the unknown. Being a bit of a hard ass and, seeing that I had gained confidence over the matter, the decision was made to go straight for Rhiannon. It would be a formidable journey that could lead to multiple discoveries.

It would also be a journey she'd never finish.

Along the way, she would encounter a pirate ship. This would be my first attempt at fighting in ship-to-ship combat. I again decided to play it safe and choose an 'easy' opponent. 

I Entered the Fray and the trouble immediately started.

*rolls the dice* 

Miss.

This meant that the opponent had the upper hand and I would be reacting to them rather than fighting from a position of strength. My character would not dodge immediately, exchanging fire with the other ship.

Clash.

*rolls the dice*

Miss.

The miss meant that my character's ship had taken damage, but that was okay. One of the assets I had selected in the beginning of the game was a reinforced hull. So that meant that these rolls wouldn't be too difficult to do well in.

Withstand Damage.

*rolls the dice*

Miss.

...

By this point I was getting annoyed with my dice. But I'm not superstitious. I wasn't about to haul out another set of dice to try and break the curse that was befalling these ones. Besides, it was loadshedding and I was already playing by battery-powered lamplight. Trying to find it in the dark would not have been so easy.

This time I would try to dodge though.

React under Fire.

*rolls the dice*

Miss.

The ship bobs and weaves and still gets singed by the pirate. Damage is dealt and again I take heart in the fact that I have that reinforced hull.

Withstand Damage.

*rolls the dice*

Miss.

I almost head-desked at this point. My character's ship integrity was now zero, it was battered to bits and anything harder than a sneeze would make it fall apart completely. She'd be desperate now. Desperate to score a hit on this pirate and destroy it outright.

Clash.

*rolls the dice*

Strong Hit.

It was a feeling of elation that is matched only by having spent four hours in the dark and having the power finally come on. A strong hit meant that I didn't just mark one damage to the track of this pirate, but two. And because it was an 'easy' opponent, that would mean that I could finish off this combat with one last hit - even a weak hit would do.

Take Decisive Action.

*rolls dice*

Miss with Match.

I considered how to save my character. She had failed utterly and her ship was about to be blown to bits. She could probably escape, get captured, try to escape that... I just didn't know if I wanted her to be a captive to a pirate. So I decided that the dice would decide for me. If I got a strong hit, she'd be fine and captive. If I got a weak hit... she'd die but would have one last act. And if I missed, then she'd just be dead. A fart in the wind.

Face Death

*rolls dice*

Weak Hit.

So she died. But maybe what she had done, the cylinder she had shot into the void would find a curious scavenger who'd take up her cause. Or who'd write a book about her. Or something.

As for me, I'm already thinking of how to start prepping for the next character. I still kind of want to use the same Truths. Maybe I'll change the locations and have the character be from a different sector - different planets, routes, dreams, and plans. We'll see.

As inglorious as this death was, it had kept me occupied for several months and I had fun with that.

Might consider new dice though...

Writing babble: It all starts with a little... and then it gets out of hand.

I didn't do any resolutions this year or anything. Maybe one: work on avoiding burnout by not committing myself to running a lot of D&D games. 

But in the absence of resolutions, I did commit to a writing project. Very small, very simple: Every week, I get given a prompt from a writing book and then I write about it. So far the longest I've spent on a prompt is forty-five minutes. So it's really not a big thing and it's challenging and fun.

If I manage to avoid the burn, I was thinking that I might do nanowrimo this year. And so comes the problem I always have: what to write about.

This question was quickly answered by a friend. I got excited, and inspired, and started making notes. I could already imagine the endless planning notes I would make in the months leading up to November. I would have a blast doing it. I was excited.

And then it all went to pot.

Why? Well... because the story didn't want to wait until November. It wanted to be written as soon as possible. And so instead of my usual fun and games with notes and highlighters and post-its, I now have Scrivener open and a thousand words in less than an hour.

Damnit. 😆

Babble: D&D and a reflection on the year without (too much) burnout

 In October, I wrote a blog post about my tracking of hours I spend preparing for DM-ing D&D. I'd like to share the final tally in this post and babble a bit about 2023.

In many ways, 2023 was a shit show. So many things went wrong in life at and away from the D&D table. But there has been some highlights too: The successful conclusion of my longest-running Dragon Heist campaign, 43 sessions in my South African TNO campaign, and the fact that I may have skirted burnout but didn't actually hit it.

I think what helped was that I was more cognisant of the time I'm actually spending preparing, playing and running games. I logged as much as I thought was sensible, so not everything, but mostly everything. It showed me when I naturally slumped and shouldn't be hard on myself for not doing more. It showed me the times I have energy and made me excited to capitalise on it.

So while the year was awful, my experiment in being mindful about how much time I'm dedicating to this game I like was a success.

Of 142 hours spent prepping/working on D&D-related things, I spent a total of 123 hours prepping my homebrew in 2023. Adding my time DM-ing to that 142 and I spent 228 hours prepping and running D&D games. This is not all the time I've spent on the game - I've played in other people's games too (and yes, I logged that as well) - but this is the time where I was basically being creative. It tallies up to about 10 full days, though I don't find that final stat particularly interesting.

DM-ing at Game Over Gaming: Here we go again!

I got a phone call today. I didn't recognise the number and, fearing some kind of scammer or bot or whatnot, I answered the phone without speaking. Because in this day and age, that's apparently what you're supposed to do. After an awkward 'uh hello?' from the other side of the phone, I realised I was speaking to the human variety and it didn't sound like a call centre. What can I say? I'm not used to being called by people who don't want my money.

The conversation was brief, but to the point. Game Over Gaming is having another event in March and they want me to come to Glentana and do the DM-ing thing again. Seeing as I have something already prepped sorta, I said yes and we discussed the details a bit. It might be streamed again, I'm not sure. But regardless, it should be interesting. Glentana was rather pretty the last time I went - migraine and all. 

They're promising everything that was the previous festival but bigger, grander, geekier. There's going to be multiple DMs running tables, more space for PC gaming (which I still won't partake in... I'm afraid of dropping my computer somewhere along the way and I'm very attached to it...), more in the line of cosplay, more comics and other geeky-related stuff. 

I'll babble more about it as I get more info... or maybe after the fact haha. For now, I figure it's worth noting on this little blog.

The Homebrew that keeps Growing...

The year was 2016. 

I had only been playing D&D for about two, maybe three years at this point and something interesting occurred.

I. Had. An. IDEA!!!

It was very vague still. There were going to be these heroes who have lived long lives and then died. Then they're going to come back while only slowly regaining their memories and it's going to be a big, great thing. I had only two settlements in mind, no pantheon, no map and it all was... not quite glued together. 

It's from this half-assed campaign that I attempted an email story game. It didn't last long but it began solidifying the things in my mind. And then it faltered in the same year... turns out time zones suck. Plus I had never run a play-by-post game and never been in one and it probably sucked. haha 😉

As the years moved on, the idea grew and reformed. Why take away their memories when you have that backstory to mine from? Why not have a character in a level 1 body with a level 15 mindset? 

I started running Dragon Heist online and the idea kept percolating in the back of my mind.

And then I started playing on Inkarnate and Roll20 and the Cartographer's Guild icons on there and a half-assed map was born.

The early version map of Rheas (2021)

I started documenting the progress here on this blog and yeah... it's spiralled and grown into one helluva ride. I feel my map making skills have improved and the story also began shifting into something more concrete. I attempted a couple of game runs (going on four so far, with only two surviving) and throughout, the lore kept accumulating and I haven't scratched the surface of this world that I'm creating. 

A portion of Rheas (2023)

And now, as the year 2023 too quickly draws to a close, I've hit the milestone of 40 sessions with the South Africans... I don't know how that happened. We've explored maybe 30% of the island/continent(?) of Ocruan. I'm both excited and daunted by the thought of churning out more content. I have it in my head somewhere, but getting it to spill onto paper is sometimes quite challenging. Maps are easier to make, I've found. 

Anyway, I felt to document it here. I am excited at my little homebrew that could. It keeps going despite setbacks and is growing into a rich experience that I am enjoying thoroughly.

Curse! Splat!

So I know this isn't a life blog, but the fun has to be documented somewhere and it influences my future geekiness.

It's almost a week into nanowrimo and it's already very quickly going to pot. I can still catch up - if I can write 15 000 words in one day to win like I did a couple of years ago, anything is possible. So I'm not going to say that I'm giving up on nanowrimo just yet, but it's going to the backburner while I recover a bit more karma.

Now, those who know me should be aware that I don't actually believe in luck or karma or stuff like that. But just because I don't believe in them don't mean they're not going to screw up my circumstances right good. 

Last Friday I had courier package trouble, then got home late, and found a pigeon in the kitchen which promptly shat on my head. On Saturday, I rolled so poorly on Roll20 that people were suggesting I roll with actual dice (which I could have fudged the rolls for) because clearly digital dice hate me. 

And then came Sunday. Beautiful, beautiful Sunday.

I had an Arkham Horror date with friends. First, I overslept. Then I got the car out of the garage to discover the tyre is flat. Then I tried to move the car to find the battery was giving issues and not letting me restart the car.

Joyous.

So I put on my big-girl pants and changed the tyre while my mom coordinated with a neighbour to give me a jump start. And then we discovered that one of my mom's friends had "borrowed" my jumper cables without asking me. I was livid. But, long story short: tyre got changed successfully (yay), jumper cables were returned (yay), car got jumped (yay), and off I raced to go play a card game (yay) in which we died (well..... shit).

I would like to say yesterday wasn't a train smash but I'd be lying. Continued car trouble, evil meetings, poor conflict resolution, it had the makings of a disastrous day and it delivered.

And then we have today. I'm honestly terrified what today is going to bring.

All of which is to say, nanowrimo is the furthest from my mind right now. I had dnd games to prep, life's crash helmet to fasten, and just general work mayhem to navigate.

So what about streaming? I'm going to try to keep the Wednesday weekly stream going. Instead of doing nanowrimo like I did last time, I'm just going to play games. It'll be fun, relaxing, and not nearly as exhausting as trying to pull words out of thin air.

That's the hope anyway.